Gold Coast

Testing out the new Picasa to put up my holiday photos. Its quite impressive but not as user friendly as I wanted it to be. Anyways, these are photos from Tropical Fruit World, MovieWorld, SeaWorld and Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary. I didn't get many pics cos I was too busy doing stuff, and I preferred to take pics of animals rather than people or scenery. Also was running out of memory. Particularly happy that I managed to find all these exotic insects and stuff. Found some really beautiful spiders.

Holiday was really fun and I got really tanned. Not going to post up xmas pics cos most of them were videos anyway [ I was making them for my sis who is still in Malaysia.. :( boo hoo ]. Now just mucking around...really should be getting some work done but...what can you do. Its the holidays :P

p.s. Tets coming back in exactly 5 days!!!!!!!!! :D

p.p.s. congrats to Pete and Karen (and emily) on their belated xmas pressie ;)

Merry Christmas

Happy Birthday Jesus!!!! :D

And Merry Christmas to all of you ^^ Hope you have a joyous time serving your family as you remember why Jesus came down to earth.

I personally have been stuffed to the brim over and over and over. I dont know how much longer I can take this torture. But those prawns.... *droooool* Had my huge annual family xmas dinner tonight. Man so fun ^^ Reckon all that alcohol just makes the corny jokes in the bon-bons way funnier than it really is. We made some of our own bon-bons this year too! :D Heaps fun.

Mmmm drowsy . . . . x)

Sunshine State

Sitting in the Brisbane airport waiting for my family to arrive from Malaysia cos their flight got delayed by two hours. Haiya.... :P

I arrived in Gold Coast this arvo and had a drive around...quite a nice place. Humid though. No more schoolies so everything was quiet again. I must say the restaurants/cafe's are more expensive than I expected. The hotel/apartment type thing (im not sure what its called) is really nice!! Although theres only one air conditioning for the whole apartment and its in the living room... but....its still a very nice place.

Really looking forward to going to Movie World and all that jazz...hehehe. Also been reading The 5th Harry Potter book like I said I would. Its actually quite interesting. I nerdily counted how long it would take for me to finish the book... taking from my average of 3-minutes-per-page from Memoirs of A Geisha, It should take about 8 and ah alf hours to finish the 766 pages. Im determined to finish those 8 hours within this one week of holiday so I can concentrate on journal articles next week.

4 minutes left from the internet coin booth!! So funny...like you put in $2 coin and you get 20 mins of slow and quite crappy internet. I couldnt get into webmessenger. boo hoo.

Will post piccies when I get back to Sydney! :)

* y a w n *

Ah. Friday. So nice.

Work has been getting better. My headaches arent as bad as before. Tet says you get used to it (the radiowaves/radiation whatever) and true enough. Hopefully it doesnt come back after my holiday. Also, the connection is heaps better at uni so I can listen to Pandora. Its a fantastic site!! Honestly, its like the best thing Amita has ever contributed in my life (harhar). Alot of reading the next 2 weeks. We're trying to set up a protocol to test the filtration efficiency of some high grade face masks. Its more complicated than it sounds. But Dr. Tovey is nice. Which makes it all the easier to be a happy worker.

Tet got me Jars Of Clay: Redemption Songs for xmas. Yay!!! :D But yknow.... nothing will ever beat their first album. Its just been declining every year. Now they sound generic and....folky/country. Sigh. Thats what happens when artists get old. Tend to lose your creative streak man. Although this latest album is still better than "Who We Are Instead". That album was a shocker.

Going to Gold Coast to meet up with my family (flying in from Malaysia) tommorow. Been looking forward to it all week. Even more with work draining me. I dont understand why its so tiring... I did work experience last year as well but it wasnt as tiring. Sigh. Just getting old. Or maybe its just the whole xmas-i-got-stuff-to-do-omgomg. T_T

I was mooching about the Konfab site today and look at what I found...

Basically its like the Dharma Initiative that they have down in the hatch... yknow where they key in a number every 108 minutes. So this thing countsdown and you key in the number. Sounds uber geeky right. You think...what kinda moron would dload this stupid widget but check this out . . . .



8947 Downloads!!!!!!! (as of 16 Dec 11.20pm GMT+10)

About 9000 or so literate morons it would seem . . . .

Worky

Been working the past week. It sprung up on me actually...I wasnt expecting it at all.

Full time work truly is magnificently tiring. Its hard to get your full 8 hours of sleep when you have things external to work to do. Like xmas pressies, dinners, relationships and blogs. Going to Gold Coast with family next week though. Looking forward to my rest. Hopefully thats what it will be.

Sleep is annoyingly necessary for productivity. Unlike when at uni. Sigh.

Give me uni any day.

Sneak Peek into my Head

Your Brain's Pattern

Your mind is a firestorm - full of intensity and drama. Your thoughts may seem scattered to you most of the time... But they often seem strong and passionate to those around you. You are a natural influencer. The thoughts you share are very powerful and persuading.

What Pattern Is Your Brain?

I got tagged

This is actually something like a month and a half late. Thats cos I got tagged during Stuvac by Sanz. hehe. So sorry for my lateness but here it is.

7 things that scares me

• Rapists (above murderers and robbers even)
• Forgetting whats important and rejecting God later in life
• Being a bad mother....abuse comes in many forms...
• Making a phone call
• Cockroaches!!!
• Losing my inner child
• Watching scary movies. Seriously. >.< Or reading scary stories. Especially if Im home alone.
  

7 random facts about me

• I really admire and respect my lecturers
• I secretly hate my smile
• I'm actually pretty easily influenced
• I know I'm arrogant but I don't do anything about it
• I'm seriously crap at math and sports
• I love cartoons
• I wish i was geekier/knew more about stuff other than science

7 things I hope to do before I die

• Get married and raise a family
• Win a prize in Science. Or if Tet wins one thats good enough. haha.
• Make a small difference in every milestone of my life
• Turn my family to Jesus
• Play in an orchestra
• Own a cat/dog of my own
• Convey to my family and friends that I love them so much (abit late after you're dead :P )

7 things I can do

• Catch 3 out of 10 balls
• Stubbornly and logically argue my way in subjects of interest (e.g. not politics)
• Play by ear (and consequently, remember songs easily)
• Stay up all night and be perky the next day (as long as im not sitting down)
• Eat 200g of chocolate in one sitting
• Talk to animals (mostly cats) and truly believe that they're talking back to me (cos they are!)
• Cram.. I've got excellent short term memory

The Fourth One

I watched Harry Potter: Goblet of Fire today. [update: its on Imax too! That would be mad!! Unfortunately not in Imax Aus. sigh. ]It's pretty good. The graphics and story line are getting addictive, although this movie was abit long. After awhile I kinda got restless. It felt like it was never going to end. But it did. Really suddenly too!

Maybe I'm just abit slow and stuff, but I really didn't see the end coming until it pretty much ended. I'm like... what??... o...kay.... O.o

Still can't decide on which Honours project to do. I tried reading the Bchm paper today. O boy... struggled through. Gave up halfway. I should not be lazy and read the Micro one tommorow. Sigh. Decisions decisions. I'm running out of time to read my books. Theres so many things I want to do these holidays. I don't think I can get through all of it though. Isn't it always the case.

I want to know more and more. Learn more things, gather more information, acquire more skills. I hate to admit it but I think I'm a slower learner than I like to think. Also, my disability to catch balls is proving too great a foe for learning how to juggle. Not being able to catch balls may be caused by:
a) clumsiness/incoordination
b) small hands
c) bad eyesight/depth perception
d) bad grip (they bounce off my hands the way m&ms bounce off my front teeth)

Being eaten by mozzies. And spiders are rising as well. Also, i think a bunch of laurakeets have decided to move into the tree outside my room. They chatter mostly at dawn and dusk. Which would make them diurnal? Like kangaroos.

Speaking of the tree outside my room, Baby Bird has already moved out. Actually its been awhile. Just that I never found the occasion to bring it up. One day I just saw him hesistantly fluttering around from branch to branch. Quite adorable really :3

I soooooooo cant wait for Narnia. It looks really really good. Something about talking animals that really appeals to me. So excited ^^

Oh Fugnimmity -_-

I got my biochem results. I got 68.

I guess its not that tragic cos i expected a credit anyway.

But its tragic because its not just a credit... its a borderline credit.

A borderline credit!! In the last exam I'll ever sit for the rest of my life.

I can't face my employers anymore!!! This is so bad. I'm so dumb. Omg. What the heck. This is the impending doom I've been feeling since the end of my exams I think.... getting such bad marks for a subject that is so critical for my future career.

If I'm so crap at biochem, should I just do microbio honours? Whats the point in pursuing a career which Im obviously not any good at... competition is high enough as it is. Why should I make things any harder for myself.

Is God trying to tell me something....?

SOTE

SOTE was sooooo fun (and funny) last night.

We played SOTE Cranium where we were put into teams and had to play as a team. There were questions reviewing what we had learnt at SOTE over the past year. Can I say that it is not fair having Tony, Ben Ho and Sarah Wong in the same team!!!!!!!!! :P

But it was really fun even if we did tie in last with another team. Bleh :P

And speed fellowshipping was great too! I reckon it should be a tradition. :3

Life always picks up during the weekends. Hehe. Yay.

Honours

Wooo!! I got accepted in Honours next year! In the lab of my first choice as well! :D This is so exciting... I'm so glad they accepted me before my finals results came out!!!! Cos they will definately regret once they see my lame-o marks. meh. And yea, praise God cos everything good comes from him. :)

Anyways, need to do some reading this weekend so decide which project to accept. Whee. I'm so excited. This feels... like.... when I got accepted into uni 3 years ago XD ahehe

SOTE tonight promises to be fun and hilarious. Looking forward :B

Eeyore-ish

Dunno why but my nights have been becoming quite depressing lately. I kinda just sit there and stare at the computer screen. And I feel the feeling you get when you're in trouble and you're just waiting for your dad to come home from work and deal with you.

Why do I feel like this? I haven't done anything wrong. Why the guilt? Exam results?

I'm on holiday but I feel burdened and somewhat gloomy.

Sigh. Maybe its all the rain we've been having lately. Maybe I've got too much to do. Too many things on my mind.

Theres only one way to cure it. Get all the things on my agenda done. But no matter how much I do each day, everyday seems to just add on more onto the list. Sigh. Monotonous. Who says having fun is fun. Just cos its not work or studies, you think, why should it be stressful, why should it be tiring.

Great I'm grumbling now.

I should just go to sleep :(

FightAIDS @ Home

World Community Grid turned 1 a couple of weeks ago. As a result they sent out a Newsletter to keep its members updated on its progress. Last week they initiated a new program called FIGHTAIDS@HOME.

Like the Proteome Folding Project, it also uses computer power to reduce statistics for achieving its purpose. The difference is that this project looks at the affinity of an already engineered molecule to HIV Protease as supposed to the Proteome Project where they simulate different potential folds to successfully engineer a new molecule.

Figure 1. A. A cartoon crystal structure of HIV protease bound to a potential inhibitor molecule. B. A plot depicting the bond energy experienced by the molecule at different conformations. C. Best docking Energy.

In Figure 1A you can see the structure of the HIV protease in monochrome, or grey. The coloured molecule in the middle is the Protease Inhibitor. It has bound or docked in the active site of the protein. In doing so, it renders the protease inactive because the HIV protease is unable to bind to the proper HIV proteins. This can delay the onset of AIDS (when CD4+ T cells falls less than 200 cells/μL) because proper cleavage/cutting of proteins is critical for full maturation of the viral particle. For example, the viral proteins are produced in a long string and require the protease to seperate the proteins so that proper folding and functionality can occur.

Figure 1B is a plot showing docking energy i.e. how strong the interaction is between the protease inhibitor and the HIV protease. A higher energy would mean that the complex is more stable and it also is more able to compete with HIV proteins for docking sites in the proteases. So higher energy = higher affinity = much better inhibitor.

Figure 1C is apparently the best docking energy grpah. Im not really sure how it works because it seems to exponentially fall to a plateau. Not really sure how to go about reading that. Any opinions would be appreciated. Otherwise when it hits me in my sleep, i can update this entry.

On holiday with nothing to say.


hur.

Pathetic old sod

I did it again!!! I bought pathetic-Bachelor-life items today!! Without realising it until it was too late... AT THE SAME MART!!!!! They must think I'm hopeless...only it was worse this time:

1 x large bag of chips (they were on sale i couldnt help it)
1 x box of instant hot chocolate ( resistance was futile)
2 x boxes of tissue (i've run out :( )

I groaned when I looked at my bag of goodies. Does it not look like Im a pathetic sod getting ready for a night of drama shows and crying. Argh.

They call people like me supermarket psychologists. :P

Btw, Tet got First Class Honours!! So proud of him!!!! ^^ BE PROUD!!!!! * f r o l i c k *

p.s. time to change my blog template i think...

Why I'm Upset:

1) Had a nightmare that made me cry
2) Got rejected for work experience
3) Now gotta look for alternative job
4) Running out of time to write my Cowra talk
5) Unable to finish reading my books in time

I think holidays are stressing me out...

I&I, and I

I think I may still be a pretty innocent kid. Innocent or Ignorant. They're both more or less the same thing. I just found out yesterday what morning after pills (MAP) were. I never knew they existed!!! I knew what "the pill" was but I never knew that its more evil counterpart was freely available as well!

Unless wrongly informed, not only does the MAP prevent unwanted accidents, it actively flushes out successful accidents. Im appalled. I was like O.o;;

As a Christian, I'm afraid my viewpoint in this subject matter would be disapproval. It is essentially the same as abortion and although I do not have anything against contraceptives as of yet for married couples who already have like 3 children, this MAP really takes the cake and absolutely does not sit well with me. Not even with married couples.

You know, society these days value innocence because the world is so corrupted. And they say that ignorance is bliss. But innocence and ignorance will surely lead to a lack of wisdom in handling daily affairs. And lack of wisdom is really not a good thing. Almost sneered at, in fact by most of the educated circles. Sometimes I wonder if the world really knows what it wants...

On a happier note, I was reading the Bible at church yesterday and someone thought I was sad and, get this, actually cared enough to come up to me and ask me if I was okay. Even though we hardly know each other. I visited his blog yesterday and he hasn't been having such a great time. But he still was able to look beyond his own needs and look out for the interest of others. He is a real example of Christ's selflessness. You may know who you are if you're reading this. Yet again, I want to thank you. And to encourage you to keep it up. :)

...and also...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TET-KUN!!!^^

Timmifer

Someone dear to me got married today.

A heartfelt congratulations to the both of you. I am filled with joy and I know that God will look favourably on your relationship. May He continue to bless the both of you richly and other people through you guys as He has been doing.

* feels fuzzy inside * ^^

Have you met...?

I tend to be quite thrifty with the non-food related things I buy. For a long while I had considered getting a Bionicle.

Then Tet came back from Japan and got me this HUGE one :D

This is Captain Bolognese. Thats cos Tet insisted on giving him a name with the letters "B" and "G" in it because apparently it sounds very manly that way. hahahaha.

I really appreciate that he shares my joy in toys. :)

Hello is down. Cant post pics :(

Exams are over. Felt like I could have done more. Sigh. Crappy.

Borrowed some books from library to read over hols :3

So nerdy. Hehe.

Day Five

Blah two hours sleep. So bloody screwed.

Procrastination Activity

Last paper tommorow, no motivation whatsoever now that Gloria Jeans is shut. Also super bored so I thought I'd list the things I ate today that starts with the letter:

C

• cereal bar
  
• chicken
• cucumber
• chocolate
• coffee
• chips/crisps
• chillie sauce
• chewing gum
• "chilled juice" hahaha.. well thats how the Original Juice Co. names their OJ :p

Wensday (!?)

Did an all nighter with Tet at uni last night. He finally got his thesis in today! Yay. Man...it was like 130 pages all up (including cover etc). Fully "th"ick mate!! hahaha. Final hurdle for me tommorow then I'm a free woman too. Hmmm. Should I go to Club Veg?

Tets going to be working, so no company there.

Hmmm....

Found a new addition to Cat Alley. Such a beautiful one too. Check out his/her yellow eyes. :D

Day Four

Didn't get to post before the exam today. Today was Microbiology Part II. It did not surprise me that I had no idea how to answer Holme's question. It did surprise me that probes came out.. O.o

All in all, it wasn't that bad. But c'mon...how bad can a one hour paper be.

This white out/ liquid paper streak has been on my arm the past 5 days. I hope its not carcinogenic >.>

meh

Worrying for Tet... its his last day to finish up his thesis and he's sick. :( Sigh. And the weather sucks. *frets*

Monday

Church was wicked awesome. There's just something about being there, having fellowship with people, having the opportunity to sing praises, listening to God's word. Its so encouraging, uplifting and inspiring!!! Love it. I always look forward to church.

After church, Tet and some other talented people had music practise so I hung around. They're so good ♥ After that we went to Blues Point Cafe for wood fired pizzas. They handmake the base and everything in front of you. Really delicious. :)

And by the way, its KenLi's 21st today, in the midst of his exams. ARGH!! hahaha but HAPPY BIRTHDAY anyways!!! :D

The Weekend

I slept 10 hours last night. Oh boy. It was so good it was crazy. I went to uni. Didn't get as much done as I had hoped... but thats what happens when the library closes at 5pm. Sigh. Here's the distracting view from Fisher Library:

Such a beautiful day today! Tet dropped by to give me my dinner on his way to church. After they kicked us out of the library (I quote: "The library is now closed. Please get out of the building!" *beep beeeeeep* ) I went to Victoria Park to eat my dinner. Black pepper steak udon from Kingsford. Nothing beats it.

So all in all, it was a great day! Except I didn't get much done. No one to blame but myself again. And the unfriendly library. :P Two pictures today because I won't have time to post one tommorow.

Getting sniffly. I wonder if I'm acquiring an allergy. It will be interesting to see what happens.

Day Three

My circadian cycle has officially gone crazy. I went to sleep at 6am, when my cortisol level is at its peak but I managed to drift off to sleep anyway. And had the weirdest dreams, mind you O.o

Scuttled out to catch a glimpse of the sunrise, to no avail. Stupid Novotel.

Anyways, Microbiology today. Avast!

Day Two

Biochemistry today. As usual, the hardest paper. Also bound to be the suckiest paper although I'm not sure if anything will ever beat yesterday's paper. We shall see. God, please don't fail my memory. Please help me to remember all the junk I've crammed!! Please please please!!! >.<

Day One

Whee first day of exam today.

I cant remember a single exam where I've ever been fully prepared for it.

Bleh.

stress relief: rice crackers and picture taking:

my head hurts my head hurts my head hurts make it stop make it stop why wont it leave me alone its hurtiinnngg T_T

In the last days...

Last Sunday Pastor Pete talked about James 5:7-11. One point he picked up was how we are in the last days, so have patience until it comes and persevere. And He says how theres a frustrating anticipation, we're there but not quite. For us christians, it will be a day of much joy and relief. For others, it won't be looking so great. You might even have the image that while they're waiting in line to be judged, they have this impending sense of doom. You think losing mummy's wedding ring was bad? You just wait.

But I know what its like to be in the last days. I know that its the most frustrating thing ever for alot of us. For alot of my friends as well. To anticipate. To know that one day our rags will be renewed, that one day none of this will matter and feel like life really wasn't so bad after all.

On the other hand, I also know what its like to dread because I'm in the last days. Dread that the end is near, dread that everything I've worked for all semester is going to be utterly worthless. Because my exams start tommorow. And I literally am, in the very last day of my last days. And of course, theres nothing worse than putting in the effort, the time and the money (and not even your money at that) and then to see it all wasted because your friggin brains couldn't keep up with everyone else. Then you'll say, meaningless meaningless. Utterly meaninglesss.....

And then I'll go back to hoping the end comes before my results come out.. ><

Anyways, Pete says remind yourselves everyday:

1) I am a son of God
2) God is my Father
3) Heaven is my home
4) edit: Everyday I spend on earth is one day closer to Heaven. (Amen!)

okay. Maranatha.

Who?

I thought maybe I should let you all know who Kuchel is since he has made several appearances on my blog. Kuchel is one of my biochemistry lecturers, specialising in nuclear magnetic resonance (NMR), thus the physics. And he grieves me because the exam is in 6 days and I still can't get anything out of his lectures, thus the feeling of doom.

I also have another lecterer, A/P Denyer who is hilarious, I love his lectures. He specialises in... hmm... fat.. and fat metabolism. hahaha. The point is... Tet and I think he looks like Merrick from Merrick&Rosso:

Are they related? Well they both have different surnames/ family names. That doe not rule it out though. They both definately share alot of wit and humour. Also, I suspect Denyer is English.... hmmm... o.O

In Kuchel's Honour...

What Is Your Battle Cry?

Skulking on the steppes, carrying a jeweled meat hammer, cometh Swurple! And she gives a spectacular roar: "I'm seriously going to pulverize you so utterly, the devil himself will plead for mercy!!!"

Find out! Enter username: Are you a girl, or a guy ?

created by beatings : powered by monkeys

Carrying a Good Conversation

Talk about your surroundings...
Baby Bird is growing fast. His/Her head sticks out from the nest every now and again, probably because its getting abit too cramped to keep cowering inside it. No sign of flying endevours yet. Mommy bird is still hard at work looking for food, daddy bird paid a visit the other day. The bum.

Talk about the weather...
Erratic weather. Rainy then sunny then rainy. I'm just happy to stay indoors.

About sports...
That Makybe Diva really is something. Such a beauty too...I cant believe I witnessed history in the making, albeit on television. She's an absolute phenomenon.

Song thats stuck in my head...
Spaceman, I always wanted you to go into space man.

Abit about yourself...
Been eating alot. Good sign. Means I'm not stressed.

Opinion on world events...
If I could tell the world just one thing
It would be that we're all okay
Not to worry cos worry is wasteful and useless in times like these
I wont be made useless, I wont be idle with despair
I will gather myself around my faith
For light does the darkness most fear

My hands are small I know, but theyre not yours they are my own
And I am never broken

Poverty stole your golden shoes, it didnt steal your laughter
And heartache came to visit me, But I knew it wasnt ever after
We'll fight not out of spite
For someone must stand up for whats right
Cause where theres a man who has no voice
There ours shall go singing

My hands are small I know but theyre not yours they are

m y o w n

In the end only kindness matters
I will get down on my knees
And I will pray

We are God's hands...

Hands :: Jewel © 1998 WB Music Corp./Wiggly Tooth Music, ASCAP

Feelin' Frumpy

I feel frumpy and by frumpy i mean -

- confused
- disorganised
- fat
- unhealthy

Think Bridget Jones.

Kopi

Pre-exam realisations:

1) I am again chewing my nails to bits

2) I make the crappiest cup of coffee

3) Gloria Jeans makes the best coffee (yes, better than Starbucks)

4) I think I'm obsessing about coffee

5) Eating salad just makes you eat more frequently

Day of Many Purchases

Last day of uni today. I don't know what it is about the feeling of freedom that makes me feel like buying stuff. hahaha. So I thought I'd make a list of random things I bought today in the order I got them.

10.45am - Bought Sydney Morning Herald and an orange Uni highlighter.

1pm - bought a radio clock off someone. Always wanted one, and it only cost $10. :)

2.30pm - Bought a large chillie quarter pounder meal at maccas.

3.30pm - Bought a 2nd hand Jewel - "Spirit" cd. $5. What a bargain!! My maccas cost more!

Thats all. This is really an excuse to show off my radio clock. har har.

Last lecture of my entire life today. Dissapointingly, it just had to be Peter Reeves. Far out. Even Kuchel would've been a better last-lecture-of-my-life lecturer. ARGH. he's tainted my milestones forever. x(

Birds

I was sitting at my desk, bored halfway to death. My brains were numb and so was my bum. I stared outside idly like I always do when I have nothing else to look at and to my utmost delight, I discovered a bird's nest in the tree outside my room window. Its those black and white birds (magpie?). I saw her fly to her nest and feed her chick. Unusually, I only saw one chick. It could be that this bird only lays one egg per season, or that the rest of her brood have succumbed to death.

I really do feel endeavoured to just sit and stare at the nest. I've always had a fascination for animal behaviour. More so when its just sitting there and im just sitting here!


Speaking of birds, a bunch of us went for Thai at Newtown after church on Sunday...

Mmmmm yummy...

Sunday morning...

I woke up this morning to :

Empty hands held high
Such small sacrifice
If not joined with my life
I sing in vain tonight

May the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Let my lifesong sing to You
Let my lifesong sing to You
I wanna sign Your name at the end of this day
Knowing that my heart was true

Lord I give my life
A living sacrifice
To reach a world in need
To be Your hands and feet

So may the words I say
And the things I do
Make my lifesong sing
Bring a smile to You

Lifesong © Casting Crowns 2005

After which there was:

Why are you downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
For I will yet praise him,
My Saviour and my God.

Psalm 42:11

Followed by:

Why should I gain from His reward? I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart, His wounds have paid my ransom.

(How Deep The Fathers Love)

Life is just... kiwi?

Life is like a kiwi.
Its prickly on the outside and sour on the inside.
And it stings when you taste it.
But its still really good for you...

Lonely Items

Today I dropped by Broadway Shopping Center on my way home. I wanted to buy come cat food so that I could feed the cats in the quaint old pathway on my way to uni and back since Im trying to save money this month by walking to uni and walking home.

So I bought the cat kibble and then got distracted by a very large bag of chips. It was on sale, STUVAC is around the corner, so I purchased that too.

When I arrived at Cat Alley, I sat down and fed the cats for awhile, admiring their fur and beautiful eyes. It then ocured to me that buying a box of cat food (or any animal food for that matter) and an extremely large bag of chips was indicative of a highly bachelor lifestyle. And not only that, but a lonely lifestyle. It makes you think of empty studio apartments and late nights watching mindless movies (or heaven forbid, soap operas) while munching on a bag of chips. And of course, your ever faithful fluffy companion as your only company.

I felt like those girls you see in movies that lead a bachelor life and are too shy to go out and meet new people or do things. Inevitably, they also dont have any friends and if they do, theyre prolly online mates.

We all know that rants without solutions have no substance. So my solution? Buy two bags of chips and a large bottle of coke. Then it just looks like you're picking up a few supplies for a party.

Permenant Residency

Today, Tet and i attended this talk from DIMIA (immigration) which basically gave us info about how to go about applying for permenant residency. Much to my delight, I found out that I'm already eligible for application!

I'm very happy and very relieved and really quite excited. I dare say that if everything goes well, I'll be a permenant resident this time next year. Which means I can prolly work in Aus and yea, start building my life here.

So exciting! Will have to look into all the details after exams... :)

Since my blog is devoid of pictures lately, I thought I'd post a humourous one up. Found this on a site womehere while browsing. hehe.

p.s. note his katana. lol.

Jesus I am waiting...

Jesus I am reaching
I'm longing for you now
To meet me in my weakness
And heal me with your power

I wanna see you
Open up my eyes
I wanna see you
Tonight

Jesus I am ready
To leave the past behind
But I'm still hesitating
To let go in my mind

I'm fighting with confusion
And I'm drowning in my sin
I thought I knew the answers
But I'm left unsatisfied within

I Wanna See You :: Matt Brouwer
© 2001 New Spring Publishing Inc.

If I were a Ben & Jerry's, I'd be...

BROWNIE BATTER! You scored 77% SWEET, 51% CHUNKY, and 74% UNIQUE!

brownie batter ice cream with a rich brownie batter swirl Mmmm....you are a very sweet mix indeed! You are warm, loving, and caring to all those around you, but you're not boring in the least! You have a wild streak and a creative, unique streak, too. You are a great friend, an interesting person, and you know how to have fun without ending up crouching over a toilet bowl. Nice!

Closing Down Sale

Yesterday as I was walking to uni, Mitsubishi was handing out free Sydney Morning Heralds with their new Mitsubishi 380 splashes all over it. Freebie newspaper! I read that there was a book sale in George Street. Since I had to go to World Square, I thought I'd go look for the bookstore since it was directly across World Square (about two doors away from Delifrance). I walked in and there were stacks of books, and funny european accordian type music with this operatic rombust singer. Funny atmosphere.

Browsed through all the cds. Nothing interesting. And the interesting ones were too expensive :P $15 !? no thanks.

Browsed through some novel names. Nothing interesting. Too many books. No sciencey ones, and the few that were sciencey were too expensive. $20 !? You're kidding me.

Then I spotted the piles and piles of comicbooks and magazines (all wrapped, mind you!) that littered the floor of the shop. Oh my!!! There was all the old school harvey comics like casper, baby huey, richie rich. Then the old school disney comic like tale spin, chip and dale. The old marvel comics - xmen type. and power rangers. and a kajillion other old comics that never quite took off with funny names and old school drawings. old school man!! AND they had MAD magazines too! At a buck each!!! So I bought one. Tempted to buy two... but.... i dunno. 2 bucks can buy me 200g of chocolate y'know. So I stuck with one.

They also have this official Neopets magazine that was going at $20. At that price, it could very well be their first edition!! I see alot of value in the future for that magazine... but.... $20!? You're kidding me...

Nobel Prize 2005

Australia, just like every other small country, is immeasurably proud of the few high achievers. Few Nobel Prize Winners, mostly in the field of immunology.

This year, the Nobel Prize Winners of Physiology & Medicine goes to Barry J. Marshall and J. Robin Warren. Both Australians, mind you. And a most surprising award in my point of view.

They discoevered that Helicobacter causes stomach ulcers. At that time, stomach ulcers were pretty common and blamed on a stressful lifestyle and bad diet. Incidently, the famous James Watson (who along with Francis Crick discovered the double helix) complained of stomach ulcers while he was undertaking his PhD, and made his ground breaking discovery soon after. Stomach ulcers at a mere 20-odd years of age.

Anyways, our aussie nobel laureates discovered that Helicobacter was required for the acquisition of stomach ulcers but there was alot of controversy and some people refused to believe them because they could not prove it on a human subject. So, being the ever determined scientist, one of them (cant remember who) made up a culture of bacteria, drank it, and developed stomach ulcers. Irrefutably proving his point, and causing a domino effect on redefining the causes of many other "mystery illnesses".

This is where the surprise comes in. I had heard that he then went on to develop stomach cancer and died! But apparently not because just a couple of weeks ago he was present to recieve his nobel prize :p

Anyways, congratulations to them. Boohaha to my lecturer Christopherson who predicted that the next aussie nobel laureate was gonnabe this other dude from Canberra. And yes. This has sparked my hope of ever recieving a nobel prize. A dream I shoved aside when I realised just how ground breaking work had to be in order to be even considered for nomination. But now... I dunno. I mean... Helicobacter isn't really all that groundbreaking.... Last year's nobel laureates on ubiquitin was really alot more admirable, in my opinion.

*shrugs* meh.

Read more...

The lack thereof...

Its been awhile since my heart bled.

Its been awhile since I felt immeasurable pain throbbing inside of my chest. The kind of pain that makes your fingertips tingle and your appetite vanish. That depletes your drive and makes you just wanna lie awake at night to stare at passive things, and make you want to sleep the entire daylight away so you dont have to deal with more crap.

Lately, all Ive felt is either happiness or frustration.

Im either happy because the weather is good, my assignments went well, I had a nice dinner with friends, I have chocolate to eat, I watched a funny show, things just get done etc.

Or Im frustrated because my wallet goes missing, my computer hangs, I forget my house keys, I fall sick at the most inappropriate times, my brains refuse to work, I dont get along with some people, I forget to do things, people annoy me, things dont go as planned etc.

What does this mean? I've lost the capacity to feel sorrow and thus only feel anger/frustration. Or my life is just too darned good.

Citizen of Nerdsville...

Sometime back Dan and I were talking about my 1337ness vs nerdiness. People tend to think I'm abit of a hybrid because I sometimes talk geek talk. However, it is all really just a scheme to appear geeky because I secretly think that geeks are cooler than nerds.

Here are my results:

Pure Nerd 56 % Nerd, 17% Geek, 26% Dork

For The Record: A Nerd is someone who is passionate about learning/being smart/academia. A Geek is someone who is passionate about some particular area or subject, often an obscure or difficult one. A Dork is someone who has difficulty with common social expectations/interactions. You scored better than half in Nerd, earning you the title of: Pure Nerd. The times, they are a-changing. It used to be that being exceptionally smart led to being unpopular, which would ultimately lead to picking up all of the traits and tendences associated with the "dork." No-longer. Being smart isn't as socially crippling as it once was, and even more so as you get older: eventually being a Pure Nerd will likely be replaced with the following label: Purely Successful. My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 54% on nerdiness You scored higher than 14% on geekosity You scored higher than 34% on dork points The Nerd? Geek? or Dork? Test

What Flavour Are You?

Cor blimey, I taste like Tea. I am a subtle flavour, quiet and polite, gentle, almost ambient. My presence in crowds will often go unnoticed. Best not to spill me on your clothes though, I can leave a nasty stain. What Flavour Are You?

Apparently if I wasnt tea, I'd be...

I am Vanilla Flavoured. I am one of the most popular flavours in the world. Subtle and smooth, I go reasonably with anyone, and rarely do anything to offend. I can be expected to be blending in in society. What Flavour Are You?

Ed: I highly doubt the both of those results...

Ravenous...

Lately my appetite has been abit of a monster. I've been eating non-stop. Also... been having the worst chocolate cravings ever! Its all I can think about.

At uni, Gareth Denyer is teaching us about fat, obesity and its effects on metabolism. A possible explaination to my sudden peak in food obsession is the fact that during my surgery, my weight went below my "set point" (a set weight that your body thinks you should be because you've been that weight for so long). As a consequence, my metabolim has dropped dramatically in an attempt to control my set point weight. This results in an increase in appetite to return body weight to the set point. Which is where Im at now.

Of course chocolate cravings dont need any explaination. ahem.

Sometime ago Woolies was selling TimTams at $1.60 each. Bargain!!! So I bought like 20 packets or something. Boy am I glad for that. Cos now Im ploughing through them like nobody's business. Can't really afford to buy proper chocolate cos Cowra House Party is this weekend.

Which brings me to this weekend. Im excited. :D

Jeniffer Knapp has some good songs. :) She's so accousticy! ♥ ♥ ♥

Chocolate cravings....

Halloween is coming. Boss say you gimme chocolate...

You're Beautiful...

That James Blunt has been haunting me. Theres such a whimsical notation behind the word "beautiful". And I like how he has these random high notes scattered throughout his songs. Takes you by surprise and you feel the thrill of listening to a new song.

How I Spent Labour Day...

Ahhhh monday was such a lovely day!! The weather was summery and perfect for hanging out with someone I love to hang out with. :P

We went to Koorong and I got a Jennifer Knapp cd for $8.50! :o I wanted to get Jars of Clay's Redemption songs but sadly, it was $30. I guess, after calculation, that it would be about $25 after the 15% discount.....maybe next time. Switchfoot was only $13 after discount too! But I already bought it in Malaysia. Argh bargain! :P

Went to dirt cheap cds after and got James Blunt for $14. Tet finally got his Foo Fighters. Not really a big fan of FF, personally :p

We had lunch at this fish and chips shop and came across a new type of Pepsi:

Tasted like Pepsi mixed with cordial. The bottle said it was mango and tangerine. Quite nice, nontheless. Unarguably exotic :P

And we watched Howl's Moving Castle at night! It was okay.... I didnt cry. All good movies make you cry. But it had alot of magical elements, true to Miyazaki's style which makes it really interesting. Very creative, the way some things were presented. Abit confusing story line. And yes, Howl is such a bishounen!!! lol.

Anyways back to hectic uni life. Already the workload is making me neglect immaculate house keeping regulations and my uncle has been dropping alot of sour hints. I hate that. I cant wait to move out. Honestly, my uncle needs to learn to relax. Just cos he's intrinsically ferrety, he has no right to demand his fellow inhabitants to pick up his obsessive compulsive disorders. Sheesh. 3 more years.....

Catch Up Time

Time to catch up on all the work I was supposed to do during the holidays but never got to do because I didnt feel up to it. Looks like a long night ahead.

Coffee said she'll stay up with me tonight. True friend indeed. :)

Resound: Aftermath

Then I looked and heard the voice of many angels, numbering thousands upon thousands, and ten thousand times ten thousand. They encircled the throne and the living creatures and the elders. In a loud voice they sang:

"Worthy is the Lamb, who was slain,
to receive power and wealth and wisdom and strength
and honor and glory and praise!"

Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing:

"To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb
be praise and honor and glory and power,
for ever and ever!"

Revelations 5:11-13 (NIV)

Resound as usual had its glitches. I dunno why technical probs always happen during the event and never during practise or whatever :P just random slip ups due to probability i guess.

Interviewed some people about it tonight. All of them said that they were encouraged, enjoyed the evening and that if we ever held something like Resound again, they would definately come.

And Deb Fung's voice is amazing!!!! <3 And she writes awesome music!!! And she's got the most envious almond eyes!!! She's so cool ^^

---> wrote a paragraph here which i lost for some reason... o_O The long and short of the paragraph was that I want to make a cd with people's feedback and stuff so if you went to Resound, it would be helpful (and nice) to come up to me and we can get a 2-minute-or-so interview going.

Man I'm bushed. Time for bed. :)

God is awesome and gracious and almighty and yea, for sure He deserves heaps of glory and honour and praise. More than we can ever offer. Hallalujah and maranatha.

Nerd Update:

Resound is on Today!! So pumped!!!! :D

Also, goodbye to my drugs. I've finally finished my course. :)

I think today will be a better day...

To my friends in UK...

SOLAR ECLIPSE: On October 3rd, the moon will glide in front of the sun, producing a solar eclipse visible from Europe, Africa and the Middle East. The eclipse won't be total, but rather annular, meaning that the moon won't be big enough to completely cover the sun. Observers along the narrow path of annularity will see a ring of fire encircling the moon--spectacular!

source: http://antwrp.gsfc.nasa.gov/apod/image/0306/Eclips310503_coeckelberghs_full.jpg

Menu

Okay yesterday I ate (solid foods only):

1/2 a sausage (took me an hour lol)
1 potato
1 sweet potato
2 kiwis

i are r0x0rs ^^

but i didnt get to eat my noodles. I know the world didnt stop turning. Well I'm not God am I. I'll eat noodles today. mmmmm....

Check me out!

Wooo.. today :D today :D

I ate 2 kiwis and one potato.

And the world will stop turning if i dont eat noodles with egg tonight!!! (read: nothing can stop me now!)

AND i had sweet chilli sauce. i havent had chilli in 5 days!! Horror! So tasty.. mmm. want more...

solid foods. i lub you!!! <3

p.s: miss my sis D:

X & Y

Stumbled across this in my friend's blogsite. Its apparently what they used to create Coldplay's X&Y album cover. Known as the Baudot Binary Code (he said), you can try it out to see what your name looks like. This is baudot code generated Swurple and what the cover of my album (if ever) will prolly look like. haha. :P

Ignite!

left to right: Richie Kam, Tetsuo Yamagishi, Josh Yeo, Tim Tham (holding the Silver Sparky) [missing: John Frazer]

As many of you may or may not know, Josh Yeo (a very talented young man from our church) came up with a production called Calling Down Fire which won the People's Choice Awards at the Ignite Festival this year. Ignite is an annual christian indie film event where aspiring film makers nationwide (overseas entries are welcome) are called to put their skills into media and present a bible passage containing the given theme in a 5-10 minute short film.

Many of you may have wished to watch Josh's excellent animation of Elijah vs The Other Evils (because it is SO good you cant believe it). Well guess what. They're showing it at Resound this Saturday! So if you'd like to grab one last opportunity to be inspired by his composition, rock up to Resound and let that night be a moment of inspiration to you.

Congratulations guys! :)

Raves:

1) no sign of infection so far. Praise God!
2) tet's been awfully kind. I feel so lucky :)
3) headaches have subsided. I was right! It was the awful drugs... well I'm only taking whats necessary only from now on....
4) hardly ever feel nausea. only after taking drugs >.<
5) here ends another day. Tommorow will be another day towards recovery!

Since Ive stopped taking panadeine so frequently, i sometimes feel a throbbing in my jaw/tongue which oddly enough, is quite nice. Must be because i like to eat really spicy foods which tend to have this after effect. hehehe. as a result though, i drool alot more because maybe my body anticipates food. hahaha. maybe its just a reaction to "pain". But drool is good cos its antiseptic :)

My stitches are showing now that layers of gluggy blood have been washed off from my gargling. I hope that my cheeks will go down sooner than later because I cant chew while theyre obstructing my molars from connecting one another. And Im fast getting sick of foods that can safely be swallowed without chewing. Ergh....

Want cheeseburgers.... T.T

did you know...

im such a coward that it takes me at least 5 minutes to muster up the courage to swallow my pills each time becos i have this crazy misconception that my pills are making me sick and it takes me at least that long to tell myself that its for my own good.

Rants:

1) if i didnt have such horrendous headaches, this would be alot easier to bear.
2) if i didnt keep chewing myself when i sleep, i would worry alot less.
3) if i could eat proper food, i prolly would feel more perky.
4) what is up with the headaches already!?


okay. remember what we learnt at small group. suffering -> perseverance -> character -> hope.

sigh.

Resound!

Psalm 98 (NIV)

¹ Sing to the LORD a new song,
for he has done marvelous things;
his right hand and his holy arm
have worked salvation for him.

² The LORD has made his salvation known
and revealed his righteousness to the nations.

³ He has remembered his love
and his faithfulness to the house of Israel;
all the ends of the earth have seen
the salvation of our God.

⁴ Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth,
burst into jubilant song with music;

⁵ make music to the LORD with the harp,
with the harp and the sound of singing,

⁶ with trumpets and the blast of the ram's horn—
shout for joy before the LORD, the King.

⁷ Let the sea resound, and everything in it,
the world, and all who live in it.

⁸ Let the rivers clap their hands,
Let the mountains sing together for joy; ⁹ let them sing before the LORD,
for he comes to judge the earth.
He will judge the world in righteousness
and the peoples with equity.

The 5pm service is hosting an event to be held on the evening of Saturday October 1st, 2005 @ CCC Milsons Point.

RESOUND will be an evening of bringing praise & thanksgiving to God through congregational singing. From 7-10pm, the jam-packed program will also include items from special guests including Deb Fung.

Finished with a scruptious supper organised by several of our very own House Groups, this is an evening not to be missed!

Please RSVP (via comments) if you would like to attend for catering purposes.

Giant Jaw..

oooh aaaah I pulled my teeth out today. It feels weird. I can't swallow very well :/

but everything went well I can only presume, so thanks for your prayers.

please keep praying that I won't get infection or that some weird hemorraghing will occur o.O

because Resound is next week. Exactly. :/

Yin and Yang...

The good:

Zane's band (Coalition of the Swinging) came to Manninig Bar at Sydney Uni last night and played some jazz. They picked up some people from the audience and just did some live jamming, which was totally mad. There was this guy with his violin and very big into irish/celtic/fiddler type music. And he just starts playing a repitition riff and the rest of the best (double bass, drums, keyboard, sax and soprano sax)somehow manage to jump into the rhythm and intertwine everything into something like irish jazz (!?). It was a gargantuan effort and I am most impressed with everyone's ability to improvise and play. As the drummer said, "some serious fusion going on... ". Quite enjoyable. :)

The bad:

On my way home, I stopped at Woolies to get some supplies. I'm stocking up my larder, preparing for Friday when I become dumber (literally and non) i.e. I'm pulling my wisdom teeth out. So after much MUCH debate, I decided to get Ribena. Which is expensive can I say!!! (#@$@%^$) And I was so happy but on my way home, the Ribena fell through the bag and all 1 Litre of it ended up on the sidewalk!! Argh D:

Woolies replaced it. It was late and I think they didn't want any trouble. So I guess that turned out pretty good as well. It was a small incident which taught me a big lesson about my faithlessness in God's hand. Need to grow.

Tanglung Festival

Its Mooncake Festival again. Also called Lantern Festival, Tanglung, Full Moon Festival etc.

When I ws a little kid, Lantern Festival was the only time we were allowed to play with fire and candles (needed to light up our lanterns often made of colourful glass paper stretched across wire frames twisted to make shapes like rabbits, aeroplanes, superman etc). I love playing with fire and candles. Also, it was the only time we were allowed to play by ourselves after dark.

Some years back in Malaysia our youth group at church decided to relive some childhood pleasures and brought some laterns and alot of candles to a park.

Heaps fun :)

Third Day has a new album and they're allowing you to download one of their songs (Cry Out To Jesus) for free. Officially (i.e. no shifty business).

Upside: Legit christian music

Downside: Sign-up

[Download]

Its a nice song. Quite Third Day, what with the strings and stuff.

Easy Wayness

Sitting at my desk with a bowl of boiled down assam laksa noodles. Procrastinating by reading other people's blogs and talking about a whole bunch of nonsensical nonsenses.

By today, I bought a total of 7 Easy Way drinks. I think I've finally reached my capacity. I figure, get sick of it while its cheap. Then I'll never ever have a craving ever again. The milk tea drink definately contributed towards the Easy Way Saturation Level.

I gotta read through the millions of Honours Projects offered and write to the supervisors about meeting up with them and talkign about the project they offer. I also have to write to the supervisors of the Summer Scholarship Program projects. SIgh. Its so much easier when they just spoon feed you and tell you, this is what you have to do. Freedom of choice is almost as evil as not havinga choice. Except when you have freedom of choice, you have no one else to blame except yourself. Not so Easy Way. (har har corny).

Gosh. The pressure...

Trigger happy...

"Hey guess what!? They're opening easy way at Central tommorow!! Two dollars!!!!!! "

Sally Ann gushed yesterday. Today, a whole bunch of us went to Easy Way for our $2 pearl teas.

Yes. I bought two. It was nice getting to know some people. Henry pulled out my splinter for me. While telling me the story of his friend who left her splinter and skin grew over it and she's had it for years o.0

Also, a couple of days ago, I finally invested in a new toothbrush:

Don't you just love its purpliness? :D

Also for your entertainment, a picture of the tim tams I ate two nights ago.

This is a very good flavour...mmm. Chocolate cravings...

After typing out that post, I had tim tams and milk for tea. Which promptly put me to sleep.

I set the alarm clock for 8pm but I must have slept right through it because the next time my eyes opened, it was 12am. Just great.

Anyways. I dunno what to do now. Im bored. Can't study. Read all the blogs. Even wrote an entry for my blog. maybe i should post some pictures. Blah.

Im hungry...

I've just realised these late night rambles are becoming abit of a habit.. hmmm.

Woooo!!

Man do I feel great! :D

I feel happy and healthy and energetic. And just full of beans!!

And the weathers been so gorgeous!!!

I feel so....happy :D

I havent felt this healthy in like a month ^^ Man. Never thought I'd feel like this again. :) So hyper. hehehe.

Learn from your past...

Since the last time my computer fried, Dan's been giving me advice about how to avoid the problem. Or well, he gave me advice the night my computer frizzled. I have since been sick but I woke up today feeling quite healthy! (except for the riot that my gut went into after eating some laksa... oh well ). But anyways, I got around to moving my computer into a frizzle-friendly location. It used to be in the little slot where my snacks now reside.





And what do I intend to do with all the heat generated in the summer?

muaha.

dont be silly

okay. *breathes* its all good. I just feel like yakking. thats all. yakking about philosophical things. but we all know that philosophy is just another word for "opinion" in this post-modern society. you believe what you think and ill believe what i think. Funny. when you put it like that it sounds almosy grecian. grecian or greek?

so what if i ramble. so what if my thoughts are stacked and orderly. if you dont want to read whats going on in my head, then why do you read this? Whats the point of going to someones blogsite and then grumble that their blogs are too long. too emotional. too personal.

oh go stuff an artichoke. nobody gives a clam about your opinion. if you dont want to read it, dont. post-modern enough for all of us.

are you telling me that christians shouldnt be post modern?

now im confused. i was going to talk about philosophy but ive gone completely off on a tangent. i can now see that my brains need to overflow into a bucket every now and again. in black and white or in words. well. since ive stopped talking to the wall, its been piling up. why?

because i dont have a cat. I want a cat. cos im lonely.

im lonely because im not willing to put the time and effort into having a friend. Because im too busy doing stuff, and so is everyone else. that when i stop doing stuff, ive got no one to not do stuff with. i miss having friends who live up the road, across the street. I hate how everyone lives so far away. i hate the telephone. it makes me anxious. i like msn. but its tiring to type all the time. did i always use to be this chattery? i feel like i just want to chatter and not shut up at all for the next 8 hours. and im thirsty too. shut up. im not whining.

maybe all i need is a holiday. a holiday where i meet God.
maybe all I need is some time alone. to remember that it isn't all that bad.
but i hate being alone.

i like living alone, but i hate being alone. its the same paradox as not being alone but feeling utterly lonely. i think someone is hacking into my brain.

more gibberish please. if i wrote absolute nonsense, will you stop reading my blog? okay. well. i dunno what to say anymore. i just write stupid things that frustrate me or make me happy. because my life is never mediocre. always melodramatic. but always at the same amplitude. frustratingly frequent but ampitudinally apathetic.

i think my brains are crappy. its prolly got the worst genetic make-up ever.

why do schizs talk to people who arent there. because theyre lonely, and they also stopped talking to the wall. cos the wall mocks us in cold silence. you think im crazy? you try talking to a wall. its mockery brings spit to my mouth. nobody understands me because i dont understand myself. maybe im crazy and im stifling it with all my education.

my education brings me equal amounts of joy and suffering.

education makes life so......asthmatic.

im giong to eat watermelon tommorow. i wish you wouldnt try to reason with everything i do. she says, "it will be heavy and alot of work. everyone will want a slice of your watermelon. it will be at a cost to you." but i just want to eat my watermelon. why do my brains keep telling me what to do. why does it always have to be so bossy. i bet she thinks she's always right. thats why she's always telling me what to do. why ant my brains be put to better use. concentrate when i need it to. but no. she does what she likes. frivilous thing. she needs a spanking.

grggh

Oh gosh... im having middle of the night quarter life identity crisis! >.<

I supposed this happens to most international students who have actually left a past behind. I can't help feeling nostalgic... I just read a cartload of BGC blogs.

And all of a sudden I feel so... old. And foreign. And indescribably aloof. Well.. I dont feel aloof... I just feel like I am aloof. Like I creepily blog stalk all these people because I never have time to talk to them but I secretly think of them alot and I wonder what things would be like if I ever went back....

OF course I'd want to go back. Why wouldnt I? I dunno. I kinda like how things were. I had an identity of sorts. Which I obviously don't have now because I'm an old fart who's graduating from uni, worrying about jobs, houses and marriage, wishing she could go back to her teenager years just like all the other old hags out there because the sense of responsibility now is just far too unappealing, a malaysian who wishes she was australian but holds steadfastly to her asian culture. WHAt on earth am I jabbering about!?!????

What the hell is going on in my head.......

I just wish I never came to australia is what I think my brains want me to say.

Its not that I hate australia. I love it. alot.

its just that, life is far too complicated now. sometimes i just wanna go back to how it used to be. like yknow... YF. college. not pretenses. no expectations. i did badly in school so nobody expected me to be the wise ass that i am now. i didnt need to make friends. we just became friends. Why do i need to make friends here? why cant we just BE friends??? Why are australians to difficult to befriend!?

and nobody makes limau ais, and if they do they call it lemonade and they charge you 4 bucks for it. ;.;

and its not that i dont like ying. he's great and Godly and an inspiration. But I dont talk to him the way i talk to francis.

argh my brains are going crazy. leave me alone!!!!

OMG am i home-sicking? :o is this how it feels to be home sick? geez...after 3 years...

blah havent finished it yet. feel so blah.

=.=

i hate uni. i hate yew. i hate yew. i hate yew. go away.

Operation Incentive

I need to do work. If I finish what I need to do today by today, I get to eat this packet of delicious, crispy salt and vinegar chips.

Added incentive: If I finish early enough, I get to eat it by the harbour as the sun is setting.

p.s. did I mention? Tet won a metronome/tuner from Coke hourly draws :D