grggh

Oh gosh... im having middle of the night quarter life identity crisis! >.<

I supposed this happens to most international students who have actually left a past behind. I can't help feeling nostalgic... I just read a cartload of BGC blogs.

And all of a sudden I feel so... old. And foreign. And indescribably aloof. Well.. I dont feel aloof... I just feel like I am aloof. Like I creepily blog stalk all these people because I never have time to talk to them but I secretly think of them alot and I wonder what things would be like if I ever went back....

OF course I'd want to go back. Why wouldnt I? I dunno. I kinda like how things were. I had an identity of sorts. Which I obviously don't have now because I'm an old fart who's graduating from uni, worrying about jobs, houses and marriage, wishing she could go back to her teenager years just like all the other old hags out there because the sense of responsibility now is just far too unappealing, a malaysian who wishes she was australian but holds steadfastly to her asian culture. WHAt on earth am I jabbering about!?!????

What the hell is going on in my head.......

I just wish I never came to australia is what I think my brains want me to say.

Its not that I hate australia. I love it. alot.

its just that, life is far too complicated now. sometimes i just wanna go back to how it used to be. like yknow... YF. college. not pretenses. no expectations. i did badly in school so nobody expected me to be the wise ass that i am now. i didnt need to make friends. we just became friends. Why do i need to make friends here? why cant we just BE friends??? Why are australians to difficult to befriend!?

and nobody makes limau ais, and if they do they call it lemonade and they charge you 4 bucks for it. ;.;

and its not that i dont like ying. he's great and Godly and an inspiration. But I dont talk to him the way i talk to francis.

argh my brains are going crazy. leave me alone!!!!

OMG am i home-sicking? :o is this how it feels to be home sick? geez...after 3 years...