Happy New Year!!

Bye bye 2006, thanks Daddy for another year where you've shown your love, grace and mercy. And thanks for showing your faithfulness yet again.

Hello 2007. I'm scared of you. But Daddy will be with me.

argh Cowra in 5 days!

Edit: family is possibly one of the biggest joys and annoyances in life. Sigh.

Merry Christmas! :)

I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord.

Luke 2:10b-11

EEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee me got a blender!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks sally ann!! ^^ ♥ ♥ ♥

maybe sometimes i think too little . . .

Airport Arrivals

I think the airport arrival terminal is one of the happiest places to hang. Everyone looks so excited and eager as they anticipate the arrival of their loved ones. At the first glimpse of aforementioned loved ones, everyone has differing reactions. Some jump up and down and squeal, others encourage their kids to run ahead and hug while they bemusedly trail after them. Everyone looks so happy, so fulfilled.

I too waited perhaps abit too eagerly. I made sure I was at least half an hour earlier than the arrival time in case the flight was early. The arrival terminal in Sydney airport has 2 gates...A/B and C/D. Due to this structure, one must constantly be on a lookout from two directions in each gate lest a loved one should manage to forlornly slip by unnoticed.

So in my eager beaver state, I spent about an hour craning my neck, performing short bouts of jigs as I peered around large people, and maintained eagle eye surveys on the two exits. Needless to say, after a mere 4 hours of sleep, this got very tiring and I began to lose concentration. Thus I started day dreaming and have come upon this conclusion:

Waiting too early for a loved one at an airport arrival terminal is similar to the feeling of waiting for Jesus.

This is because we wait with eager anticipation and do so as long as we have to, with full knowledge that the person we expect will show up....even if they only show up an hour later than expected (or 3000 odd years). After awhile, we become discouraged and are tempted to stop being watchful. But then, in the corner of our eye, we observe clues that give away the fact that our loved one is coming soon. In this case, it was the approaching air stewardesses of MAS. And this renews our hope and strengthens our will to watch and wait...just a little longer. Our loved one will soon be with us.

In the last days, we are told to be watchful, alert. The hour will come like a thief in the night. Our diligence will be rewarded, so persevere. Be strong and courageous. And persevere.

its raining. i love sleeping when it rains.

6 hours to go. :)

Grace by U2 reminds me of mel. i wonder how O3T is going.

so faithful, my God is. :) Thanks Daddy.

be strong and courageous

Malaria

I recently read that the gates foundation donated a large sum of money towards the fight against malaria. I was pleasantly surprised with their donation choice. As a scientist, it grieves me quite abit to know that there are alot of preventable diseases in the world (like malaria) which are only hanging around because there are so many peripheral things which get in the way. Money. Politics. Ignorance. Indifference.

Malaria, tuberculosis and AIDS are the 3 biggest threats in the world. AIDS everyone knows about. But nobody cares about malaria and tuberculosis. I bet you didnt even know that someone who has had malaria can get it again. Yes. They're still at risk.

Everybody funds cancer research because rich people regularly suffer and die from it. And it really is a terrible disease. I've seen with my own eyes what it can do. But really... don't you think some of that funding could be put towards helping the poorer countries cope with ridiculous things like dying of dehydration due to diarrhoea?

Its about time someone raised awareness about diseases that kill people unnecessarily. Which costs so little to just alleviate so much suffering. Death in a third world country hurts families just as much as death in developed countries. Maybe even more so when you know so many of those deaths could potentially have been so easily avoided.

Good on you Bill and Melinda for choosing malaria.

Joshua

Take heart
Be strong and courageous
Though it seems like ages
God has a plan

He's shown
Himself to be faithful
Infinitely able
His justice will stand

And know
His grace is sufficient
His love is abundant
For all who believe

This world
Though it is passing
God is everlasting
And His plans will concieve

[God said], "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go."

Joshua 1:9

[Joshua said], "Now I am about to go the way of all the earth. You know with all your heart and soul that not one of all the good promises the LORD your God gave you has failed. Every promise has been fulfilled; not one has failed.

Joshua 23:14

Joshua is a great book to read. There are only 24 chapters, so the two exerpts above I guess sort of summarise what I got out of the book during my first ACES Weekend Away in 1st Year; that God is faithful and will fulfill His promises and so we should be strong and courageous to do what He has commanded us to do. It has provided alot of comfort to me. You should give it a go. :)

Uncovered

I had a million things to do today but stubbornly stayed up late, woke up later and procrastinated steadily. I came across this year's RICE photos and then i saw it.

GASP!

Sally-Ann you traitor!!!!!!!!! :P

I always knew there was something dodgy about her... hehehe...

isnt it amazing? its like the pain just never tires of ebbing . . .

Maranatha

"Your own conduct and actions
have brought this upon you.
This is your punishment.
How bitter it is!
How it pierces to the heart!"

Oh, my anguish, my anguish!
I writhe in pain.
Oh, the agony of my heart!
My heart pounds within me,
I cannot keep silent.
For I have heard the sound of the trumpet;
I have heard the battle cry.

Disaster follows disaster;
the whole land lies in ruins.
In an instant my tents are destroyed,
my shelter in a moment.

Jeremiah 4:18-20

Two days early!!! :D

Cafe On Pyrmont

Tet and I went to my uncle's favourite cafe today for brunch. I just have to rave on about this place!! The food is alright, average i would say. But oh man, the customer service is so good!!!

I think I'm a person who values customer service more than anything, and this place is probably one of 2 places that has ever recieved a 10/10 for customer service in the entire 22 years of my eating-out experience. They're really friendly and helpful and by george, highly competent! Very hard to find an entire restaurant with competent waiters in this day and age.

Even once, I made a mistake but they weren't annoyed or anything. So professional! I walked away feeling really happy and positive. It just made my day! Seriously. I didnt even feel bad for paying them a ridiculous amount of money for a breakfast I could have cooked myself.

Okay end rave. Point of this entry: Go eat there!!! :D

These people I miss...

• no kangaroos in Austria
  

• you nut!
  

• rave rave rave rave rave
  

• pancakes and bogan sauce
  

• 2 minute death
  

• location location location
  

• with every breath
  

• same old **** different day
  

• uhhrrrr... okaaaayyyy.....
  

• stone monument of friendship
  

Club Veg tommorow!!!! :D

Of course, many mistakes have been made in the development of science. Its technologies have been used for evil purposes, and its theories have been wrongly used to justify blind philosophical leaps into atheism. But we can learn from science, for all truth is God's truth. Psalm 19, for example, indicates that there are two forms of God's revelation: the 'book' of nature is God's general revelation; the book of the Bible is God's special revelation. General revelation does not save anybody. Special revelation is God's specific words about His character and dealings with humanity; His plan of salvation culminating in Jesus. This you cannot discover by looking at a sunset or into a test-tube.

Sandy Grant

Only evil all the time

"The LORD saw how great man's wickedness on the earth had become, and that every inclination of the thoughts of his heart was only evil all the time. The LORD was grieved that he had made man on the earth, and his heart was filled with pain." Genesis 6:5-6

Its so easy to not realise how wicked man's heart is when we go about our daily lives, minding our own business. Especially if you're middle class and everyone you know probably have some form of integrity and values from their upbringing.

But sometimes some things happen, and you realise just how wicked man's heart is.

And just how much capacity for love and forgiveness God really has.

No one in the world is more genetically similar to me

And yet we couldnt be more dissimilar

And I couldnt be more unknowing

If ignorance is bliss, then why does it hurt?

Which Element Are You?

Helium (He)
Lucky Number 2

You are balanced and independent. You might not form strong bonds with others but when a party is on you are first on the scene.

You consider yourself the most noble of gases. But is it really noble to hog your electrons and live apart from the rest of us, Helium? Your first report card read "does not work or play well with others" and frankly you don't seem to get that that's not a compliment. Sure you're rare here on earth but in the universe at large your type is common as mud (SiO2.C2HnOx). In fact you're so colourless, odourless and unreactive it's hard to know you're around. Take note: the world doesn't revolve around you Helium. (Ok strictly speaking it does because the stupid sun is about 80% Helium, but here on earth you're NOTHING!).

Famous Heliums
Ghandi
Jesus
Laurie Oakes

Ideal Partner
Don't bother Helium. You are the original lone wolf - it takes about 13000 Volts to get you to even mingle let alone bond and settle down with anyone else. Stop wasting our time and just float on out to space where you belong.

(Ed: owch. )

Today I've noticed...

• the irridescent pearly insides of an almond kernel

• the heavy exotic smells that waft out when you open the spice cupboard door

• the twinkling of the giant christmas tree in QVB as you're washed over by the resounding music of the grand piano

• the wispy peach-softened vermillion snaking itself across the blue dusk sky

• "I tell her, because I don't know how to say what I really want to: that the people you love can surprise you every day. That maybe who we are isn't so much about what we do, but rather what we're capable of when we least expect it."
My Sister's Keeper ::Jodi Picoult

Last Day of Uni Ever

Which Biological Molecule Are You?

You are mRNA. You're brilliant, full of important, interesting information and you're a great friend to the people you care about. You may have sides to you that no one understands. But while you understand more than most people, you're only half-there most of the time.

p.s: they didnt mention that mRNA is actually really difficult to work with. An aspect that is not too far from the truth. Ahem.

swürple 1

I can do this.

Oh noes!!

Oh no oh no oh noes!!

You know what it has happened! It really happened!!! I never thought that it would but oh em gee it really got me!!!

For ages and ages I've always been abit paranoid that I would grow up and become a proper adult, but I never really wanted to be one because they always seem so grumpy.

And then today, all of a sudden...I realised that I've become one!!!

I've become tired and cynical and pessimistic and negative, never able to see the good things in life, never able to just appreciate the beauty of nature, taking everything I have for granted. What happened!? This is what I never wanted to become instead Ive just become a mix of old + grumpy with naive + insensitive. The worst of both worlds. ;_; This has to change!

Starting now.

Thesis In

all the work and grief and tears ive put into the entire year....

.... was submitted in today in 50 pages.

I am so dissapointed at my performance..... of course only realising too late yet again that procrastination is so not funny. How can i be so careless and just let my entire year become a mockery from my lack of discipline, my lack of discipline from being too too tired to write just one more paragraph in my thesis.

I guess Im feeling pretty sorry for myself now.... with only Reuben Morgan's words to cheer me up. And friends with the biggest of all hearts I have ever met.

Everything will work out, everything will work out
For Your glory, I know you'll use it all...

Everything will work out, Everything will work out
When I see You, I know I'll understand

How I long...for You

Nothing like a thesis to . . .

. . . make you feel as useful as a one-way cul de sac.

nothing like a thesis to make you rely fully on God

its your beauty Lord that makes us stand in silence

Kindness :: Chris Tomlin, Louie Giglio, Jesse Reeves

Circle Up!

Circle up, circle up around the throne
Old and young saints of every history
Great and small angels are and seraphim
Grab a hand, twirl a dance, circle up, and worship Him

Hear the hum of angel curiosity
The children of the Lord are gathering
Finally the day we’ve all been dreaming of
Called up forever in his love

Hear the thunder of unfolding wings
Feel the mighty wind their beating brings
Bring your grateful tears and flood the floor
Rise up and worship like a storm

Now hear His golden voice above it all
He’s saying this tear is the last to fall
A few simple words and another storm He calms
Invites us all into his arms

Circle up, circle up around the throne
Old and young saints of every history
Great and small angels are and seraphim
Grab a hand, twirl a dance, circle up, and worship Him

Chris Rice :: listen here

Procrastinate

You Are 19 Years Old

Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Useless Christians?

Disclaimer: This is a sketch of the thoughts forming in my head regarding christians and their purpose in life.I have to apologise that I havent got any Bible verses for referencing or back-up, but ill just attempt to use what I understand. These are my thoughts, not to be confused with authoritative teachings of the Bible.

Q: Does that mean that if we're somewhat unproductive; not doing any ministry, not really trying to glorify God much, we might as well die? Is it only because you can do good to others (the way Paul could in Phillipians) that we shouldnt suicide?

My simple thought is, we were chosen not because we were the greatest of nations, rather we were the least. It was only because of God's mercy and grace. Unproductivity seems irrelevant in the bigger scheme of things.

The extended thought :

Firstly I understand that God is love, and that He has always been in a relationship (with the Son and the Holy SPirit i.e. the Trinity Relationship Circle, TRC). And He wants to extend this relationship to us. So one of the reasons He created us is to be in relationship with Him. As a christian, Jesus lives in us and we in Him. Plus, we are seated with Him in the heavenly realms. Also, we are given the Holy Spirit which means we're pretty much in the TRC. Of course we need to actively seek to be in relationship with God as well, but its quite hard to be a non-nominal christian and not have a degree of relationship with God. If we are in relationship with Him, then we are fulfilling one of our purposes thus all is not completely lost.

Now I understand from Unit 1 of the Moore correspondence course that God also created us to glorify Him. And rightly so, because He is the only one worthy of anyone's praise and worship. If you really believe that Christ is your Lord and Saviour and have been saved by Him, that in itself is glorifying God. Thus default is, all is still not completely lost.

However, if ministry really weighs on your mind, the (faith - deeds = dead faith) equation is ringing in your head and you're not convinced that just by being a christian is glorifying God, then read Ephesians 2:4-10:

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

1) It is by grace we have been saved (not by works)
2) we are seated with Christ in the heavenly realms (relationship)
3) God has prepared in advance good works for us to do (read: God's word may grind slowly but it grinds finely. What He has ordained will happen, and you will do good works whether you see it or not)

I think what I'm trying to say is that, there is no good reason for christians to think they should die just because they dont seem to be doing enough for God. You can never do enough for Him, and its not like He needs us to do things for Him. Rather, He delights in letting us work alongside with Him. And it is a privilege, as tiring as it gets.

For none of us lives to himself alone and none of us dies to himself alone. If we live, we live to the Lord; and if we die, we die to the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. Romans 14:7-8

The Death To Come

A reply to Tony's 3rd Oct entry "Things".

I used to think that as a christian, death was a very desirable thing. I think it was the desire to not struggle anymore, to finally be with God, to long for Heaven.

At the back of my mind, I'd always remember the famous Phillipians 1:21 quote, "To live is Christ, to die is gain" by Paul. I had no problem agreeing that to die is definately to gain. But it only gains the person who died. Which is why Paul goes on to say that even though death is so very tempting and that life is so much harder, he still wants to live in order to build up the body of Christ. In effect, its about other-person-centredness. Hm. Somewhat unconvinced. All well and good for an apostle, a chosen sent one, to understand that he has a purpose in life which needs to be carried out (and he certainly carried this out with much passion and perseverance. Kudos).

But then, at AnCon 2006 I read Psalm 143 and then verse 11:

For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.

and then it hit me . . .



My attitüdE had been wrong all along.

Sometimes I'd realise that my obsession with death was abit selfish because it was more of a personal want or need; to never have to go through pain and hardship...to finally rest and never have to struggle to keep up a relationship with God. I mean, of course I want suffering to end and I know that the only time this will happen is when Jesus returns and restores creation. However in the depths of my heart, I know my longing was selfish and personal because I valued my own death as highly as the Restoration. Short term vs long term.

This made me think that a christian's attitude in life is not to mourn for the lack of death, rather to mourn for the lack of life, and to embrace the opportunity to change this. Also to rejoice in the opportunity to build up the church and to glorify Him while He patiently waits for more hearts to turn to Him.

I still find it appealling to have an early death and retire early. But I also now think that its probably only half the mindset a christian should have. The other half would be to want preservation of your life, as painful as it may be, for the Lord's name sake.

Procrastinate

Advanced Global Personality Test Results Extraversion |||||||||||| 43% Stability |||| 13% Orderliness |||||||||||| 46% Accommodation |||||||||||||| 56% Interdependence |||||||||||||||| 63% Intellectual |||||||||||| 50% Mystical |||||||||| 36% Artistic |||||||||| 36% Religious |||||||||||||||||| 76% Hedonism |||||| 23% Materialism |||||||||||| 43% Narcissism |||||||||| 36% Adventurousness |||||| 23% Work ethic |||||||||||| 50% Self absorbed |||||||||||||||| 70% Conflict seeking |||||||||||||||| 63% Need to dominate |||||||||||| 50% Romantic |||||||||||||| 56% Avoidant |||||||||||| 43% Anti-authority |||||||||||| 50% Wealth |||||||||||||||| 63% Dependency |||||||||| 36% Change averse |||||||||||| 43% Cautiousness |||||||||||| 50% Individuality |||||||||||||||| 70% Sexuality |||||| 23% Peter pan complex |||||||||||| 43% Physical security |||||||||||||||| 70% Physical Fitness |||||||||||||||| 64% Histrionic |||| 16% Paranoia |||||| 30% Vanity |||||||||||||||| 63% Hypersensitivity |||||||||||||||||| 76% Female cliche |||||||||||| 50%

Stability results were very low which suggests you are extremely worrying, insecure, emotional, and anxious.

Orderliness results were medium which suggests you are moderately organized, hard working, and reliable while still remaining flexible, efficient, and fun.

Extraversion results were moderately low which suggests you are reclusive, quiet, unassertive, and secretive.

trait snapshot:

paranoid tendencies, irritable, anxious, fidgety, dependent, worrying, emotionally sensitive, prone to regret, depressed, second guesses self, somewhat fragile, dislikes change, prefers organized to unpredictable, suspicious, phobic, craves attention, not a risk taker, low self control, very sensitive to criticism, unadventurous, does not make friends easily, defensive, obsessive, low self esteem

Have you noticed...

just how bitchy ive become lately
just how insecure i really am
just how much i adore him
just how dusty my room is
just how rusty my brain's become
just how fast time flies

... regression is such a sad thing.

Finally!!

My internet is back!! Finally! I heart it so much!!! T_T

Wot the fudge?

Okay so maybe I havent been writing, well theres nothing to say. Even now, Im only writing to get my juices flowing so I can type aimlessly to fill up my 7-page thesis introduction. Really quite the tragedy...you read some 60-odd journal articles and then when its time to write your thesis you have absolutely nothing to say. Of course it doesnt help that half the time I read things without critically analysing it and thus not having any opinion whatsoever.

So you walk into a movie and theres always an opinion about bla bla bla. Cant just let the movie be. Or how about this person I met who swears that female authors are better than male authors. You mean you actually care!? You can actually tell the difference??? You actually sit down and decide how many books you like which are written by a female vs male author? o_O; Okay, weirdo.

I have no point. The point is, chocolate is pretty yummy.

Check out my bimbo way of typing out 2 paragraphs of absolutely nothing and managing to change the subject three times. If only my introduction could be as flippant. *sigh...*

meh sick again T_T

my immune system just retired, further proving just how old i am now.

Go All Blacks :D

Unwell

Sigh...unwell and kept home unwillingly by my rioting gut. Might as well update my blog and get my creative juices flowing before I even attempt at starting my thesis.... how I dread it. It churns my insides even more than its already churning now...

Y'know, I have a very opinionated friend who says blogging is like prostitution. This was awhile ago and sure, I see this friend's point on revealing your life to complete strangers and all the doo duh. Question is... do I agree?

I havent been writing much, prolly cos I have nothing to say. I could say how Tet's mom came and how XmenIII was good despite what people said. What would it achieve? So does this build evidence towards my friend's opinion?

Not all blogs are completely aimless like mine. Alot of blogs are really entertaining to read. Even if it is a 16-year-old writing all of her daily perks. End of the day, how is it any different from reading Roald Dahl's autobiography? I enjoyed both of them...Boy more than Going Solo though. More anecdotes. When are you a celebrated author, and when a cheap prostitute greedy for the world's attention? Are both much different? An arguement against my friend's opinion?

Its been awhile since the statement was made. Maybe a couple of months. Maybe more. Still no conclusion have I.

Science + Christianity

Hmmm had a talk on Science and Christianity toay. It was abit...waffly.... and to be honest, I dont think I walked away with much.

The total angles within a triangle is 180°

Lack of sleep makes me docile. As supposed to agro? Hmmmm..... guess we'll find out.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

Lauren gave Hasi Season 2 of Gilmore Girls.

I want!!! XD

Meet my mice

They say you should never name things you dont intend to keep. Makes you attached. I guess that only works if you can actually recognise and remember the objects of entitlement. I sometimes name my mice but theres hardly any danger because i quickly forget which is which. This is because I name them based on their personalities.

Henry - for no reason, all the mice I sacrifice are named Henry. It was a spur of the moment name to make my friend feel abit queasier... hehe. :p

Vincent - this is for all the mice that are hyper and run around in circles until they get dizzy (seriously...then they kinda sway abit as they try to keep going, but alot slower). When we cut their tail to bleed them, they make a nice pattern on the tissues with their blood from going round in circles. Abit like artistic madness...hence Vincent, after Van Gogh.

Ruth - the female equivilant of Vincent. Not saying why xD

Actually, thats about it. Theres also the resident breeding pair who are kinda pudgy, named El Fatso and La Femme Fatso. They're adorable :)

a b i t d r y . . .

Winter is here and its getting abit dry. I've got leg dandruff :/ Yes yes I do moisturise, although sometimes I skip it cos I'm like late for uni or whatever other activity I'm late for. But yeh far out...maybe I should just shower with Head and Shoulders. After all, I do shower with Clairol Herbal Essence.....just cos it froths well and it smells so nice! I mean, just cos it says Shampoo doesnt mean you cant use it as a shower gel right? :p

Got this essay due soon. Sigh.... mental block. I used to be able to spout out like 25 words a minute literally but now.... one paragraph a morning/arvo. Sheeesh... see thats what happens when you stop writing in your diary, and when you stop reading books, and when you stop thinking in creative writing/3rd person style. Feh.

Hehehe speaking of Feh, I watched Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles the other day. Number one, they've changed their song! Number two, is it me or do they look different? o.O Seriously, all these cool 80's cartoons making a come back, but why do they have to change the cartoon! Theres a new Transformers, a new My Little Pony and now a new TMNT?? What is the world coming to! :(

Okay end rant, time to sleep :3

Add some zest

One of my more favourite interests which I have picked up in AUstralia is cooking. I really, really enjoy cooking. My family wouldnt let me near a stove when I was younger and never really got to cook much. First time I used an oven was at a friend's house, I was around 14. Second time I ever used one was here, in Australia. Followed by numerous other oven obsessive dishes. I mean, how easy is it!!!!! Truly a wonderful invention.

Alot of my high school friends have also picked up cooking when they went overseas. Some more daring than I in trying new dishes. I stumbled across this recipe website today. I find it really good cos it not only has a section on recipes for special dietary requirements, but it really specialises in bringing you recipes for dishes from around the world. Like the African Tiger Salenga. Its like an africanised version of the Spanish paella. Also found africanised versions of rissotto and meatloaf. So interesting!!

Im so inspired, Im gonna make a great aussie dish tommorow! The all famous.... barbeque :D

Calamity Jane

A mouse ran away the other day and we only found her something like 3-4 days later. She was in a humane mouse trap but by then, she was considerably stressed and weak from starvation and dehydration. We tried to revive her with glucose and saline shots, but to no avail. She passed on the next day, cold and grey. She shouldn't have run away in the first place. It did not benefit neither her nor myself.

This kind of depicts where I'm at with Honours at the moment. I feel like as if everything I do has no benefit to anyone. I've also become increasingly careless, leading to more frustration. I've always sort of believed in the whole "good luck" - "bad luck" cycle. Where if today sucks, and it sucks in more or less threes, then things will start to pick up. In more or less threes. Maybe its an observation that had been moulded by mindsets cos lately, iIt doesnt seem to be picking up at all and this "bad luck" cycle sure aint stopping at three!

There are two possible explanations:

1. Im doomed to calamity for all eternity
2. Im just not seeing the good things in life anymore

I wonder if its the latter. It better not be. Cos if it is, it means I've become an adult. Yuck.

The Competent for the incompetent

Oh gaze of Love so melt my pride
that I may in Your house but kneel
and in my brokeness to cry
spring worship unto Thee

Jars Of Clay :: Hymn

I sometimes get so sick of being incompetent. Of being mediocre and nominal and lukewarm. I spend all my energy on something that isn't even worth anything, I look upon envy at people who give up so much for what is right, my insides wring with guilt at the extinct moments full of empty promises, my body and mind is wretched from the heartache I bestow upon myself.

My struggles are futile. And why? They are empty, selfish.

Dont you dare tell me that Im beating myself over something stupid, something purely philosophical, something mere man had made up for world domination or personal satisfaction. I know better, and you should know better.

I am not catholic enough to think that my short comings are dragging me to hell. Im not anglican enough to think that I need to win God's favour. But I do love Him enough to hate how I ignore Him day after day. After all that He has done, after all that He has shown. My bones are filled with groaning, my heart is heavy. It is time to take drastic measures.

Sweet Jesus carry me away
from cold of night and dust of day
in ragged hour or salt worn eye
be my desire my wellspring lie

Jars Of Clay :: Hymn

In a nutshell...

Easter

Wonderful, lovely, chocolicious.

" The Lord is my strength and my song; he has become my salvation. " Psalm 118:14

Past week

Hectic, chrificiency is totally decreasing. Party was good though. Yummy. Lost my income. sigh.

Personal reflection

Too lazy, too slow, I procrastinate too much, too creaky. Need to stop being so inefficient and seriously buck up. Enough tv, enough sleeping. Get some work done already!!

Zanpaktou

Oh I see . . .

It was never intellectual debates between truly patriotic and open minded people about the corruption of power. It was a bunch of superficial hackers who wanted to stir up abit of political hatred and enjoy watching educated fools with too much time on their hands make airy comments on the stupor of those who don't see as they see or think as they think. What with their empty vows to make a difference and their futile struggles to enlighten silent victims.

It may seem all very fashionable to be Vendettaesque in this period of time. Especially if you're a tertiary aged student studying in a developed and supposedly just country but really from the ramshackles of a third world ghetto built by the hands of corruption.

Enough! I will read, and I will listen. But I will not tolerate political nonsense in my blog. I couldnt care less what happened to my country because we all know its going to get worse anyway, despite your optimistic plans for a better future. Am I ignorant? Am I indifferent? Selfish and uncaring to the plight of those who cannot run away?

Maybe.

Maybe you want me to say that I will partake in the uprising my peers have generated. Maybe then you'll be satisfied, that your heroic gestures have been admired by a lesser being. Maybe these conspiracies generated by paranoid governments have sucked you into their greedy little plans for further destruction of the human spirit.

I am a scientist.

I care about AIDs, malaria and tuberculosis. I care about producing heat-stable vaccinations and cheaper medical treatment. I care about global warming, endangered species, unfair distribution of resources, chronic diseases, a severe lack of education, cancer treatment, renewable energy, biological warfare, genetically modified foods, epidemics and abortions.

Let the politicians fight their cause, and let the scientists fight theirs.

And leave me out of your self-glorified excuse for war and racism.

Stuck in Lab

Forgot to add Ethidium bromide to the gel again today, so I'm stuck in lab waiting for the silly gel to destain. Sigh. I'm beginning to wonder if it would've been easier just making a new gel. I think I will learn from this ordeal and make a new gel next time.

Been reading "Flowers for Algernon". About a boy with IQ of 70 who undergoes surgery and gets IQ of 185 or something. Its quite a sad book...kind of deep as well. Its weird. Just out of coincidence I've been exposed to all kinds of "deep and meaningful" things. Like Tet and I watched V for Vendetta yesterday. That was pretty deep too. I particularly liked the line, "Artist tell lies to tell the truth. Politicians tell lies to hide the truth."

In FlowersFor Algernon, I particularly liked the line, "..." darn. I can't remember. I'll look for it.

De-stain in 2 minutes. Will look for the line in FFA.

Official Family Fanatic

Church today was, as usual, thoroughly enjoyable. Maybe slightly more enjoyable than usual due to the spag bol (with garlic bread!) we got for church dinner. MmmMMm. It was truly tasty.

So far the talks on the passion narrative at church has been really eye opening. Pete's an amazing speaker. I love how he manages to sneak in at least one new fact in your everyday bible sermons. Especially difficult, I know, is to make Jesus' death and ressurection seem just as interesting as when you first heard it. One new thing I learnt about today is the significance of Peter, John and James falling asleep in the garden of Gethsemane. I never gave much thought to it and always just skimmed through it. But now I see that its to further emphasise what Jesus had to do all by himself. What only He could do. And I can only but think, how deep the Father's love for us.

When thought about in all soberity (soberness?), that story always brings tears to my eyes. Just because its beautiful like that.

Anyways, pertaining to the blog title, there were two questions posed at church today:

1) Has anyone ever asked you why you spend so much time at church? What would you say?

Well....I guess my answer to that would be, its cos its the closest thing to Heaven I'll ever see before Jesus' return. And its definately a joyful thing, to take part in his ekklesia.

2) Has anyone ever told you that you were abit fanatical about christianity? Like how its good to have a belief but not to be so obsessed by it?

Yes. Countless times. 95% of the time from my family. In fact, my sister and dad has dubbed me the family fanatic. Which I guess places the responsibility on me to make sure I don't complacently watch them slip away from a shot at eternity in God's favour.

Upon reflection, I'd like to say that I spent that extra one hour from daylight savings watching Bleach with Tet. I reckon it was time well spent :3 Time is so arbitrary...not like Truth.

Chrisficient?

Hahaha Werrolyn commenting that my blog was up-to-date and for some reason the same week I collect dust on it for an entire week. Famous last words? :P

Anyways, yea uni been really busy. I try hard to be more efficient but its not easy. I was so dead by the end of the week. I have this theory, however, that if you keep doing it for a long time, it will eventually become habit and you get used to being so efficient.

My friend came up with this new word: chrisficient. It means christians who are super-efficient. You may know some of them. They serve at church, are close to God, have a job, maintain a social life, have really neat/organised rooms and have distinctions at uni. Sounds like the perfect person, but believe, they exist. They are the Chrisficient. I want to be more chrisficient. I want to do my job well, do my honours well, keep my house tidy, have time for friends (and tet) and of course, keep serving at church. I neglect my QT alot but hopefully that will change as I learn to be more chrisficient.

Yum cha today at Chatswood. Took the opportunity to grab some beads (ahaha obsession). I'm excited :D Will post up the pics when they're done cos Jacky practically designed it for me XD (cos im like crap at designing things. ho ho). Hopefully I'll be able to slot in Capoeira this week. We'll see what happens. :)

Mousies

This is the second mouse litter we got. Aren't they adorable? We checked on them today and their eyes were open and they were sauntering hesitantly around the cage. They're so cute!! They just get cuter and cuter and cuter and then one day they just...grow up and arent as cute anymore.... and then they start eating a 45% fat diet and get really obese and then they become really cute again. Must take more pics! ^^

Had a great night with friends. Gotta thank God for them ♥

FREE PANCAKES!!

I've always had this impression that I would never get anything from Honi Soit except a fistful of curse words.

I picked one up today because I couldnt bear the thought of riding down George Street at peak hour with nothing to read. Guess what I found....? Yes....

FREE PANCAKES!!!! ?@#$%^&*()^%$*&^$#@!!!!!!!!!!!

Mondays and Thursdays
8-11 am
Eastern Avenue

Be prepared for propoganda. But they have maple syrup..... *drOoL*

Busy busy...

God has been teaching me to let go of my dreams and plans. Indeed, man plans but God decides and I guess I get so caught up in how things could potentially turn out that I begin to "love" the world and make some really bad choices.

Anyway, lesson once learnt, God was really gracious in granting me some things that I had really wanted. Nothing like a little nudge by Him to keep you walking in the right direction.

Thank You that you discipline those that You love, and thank that You're always so patient with me. Thank you for Your faithfulness and wisdom to work around everything to always come up with the ultimate answer.

The next two months will be testing. Lets see how well I cope.

In a nutshell

1. I attended a 2-day animal handling course this week. It contained legalities and philosophy, justification and propoganda, paradoxes and controversy. The only thing that suprised me was the delicious morning tea. The only thing that will stick with me for life is the fact that every issue always has two sides to the coin.

2. We recieved 2 litters of mouse pups this week. 8 in one litter and 11 in the other. They're adorable! They have the cutest tiniest tails and have white bellies from the milk they suckle. So proud of the mothers <3

3. Cake day today! Got to meet somemore ppl from the MMB department. Now we officially have 2 cake days a week: Monday and Friday. Gonna get fat man...

4. O-Week this week. Got so much free stuff! USU was giving away these bags which had Red Rock Deli chips in them. Twice I went to get my free chips and Coke zero, twice I walked away with original flavoured chips. argh! T_T

5. SOTE today about BGR, lust and masturbation. I learnt two things today:

(a) It is okay to look at a guy/girl and be sexually aroused because thats just the way God made us but its not okay to look again with the intention of engaging in a fantasy/sexual thought. This is a new concept and quite different from people drilling it in that even a thought is sin. I think its more the fact that you're entertaining that thought that is sinful rather than the split second emotion. And of course, I would take the word of an academic theologian the same way I would trust a professor's word over a high school teacher's.

(b) Masturbation is not wrong if it is a means to release you sexual frustration, as long as it does not engage in sexual fantasies (especially with ppl that you know because they are not yours to covet/desire). Its also a big no-no if masturbation becomes an addiction, a hindrance to your marriage (because you're meant to be serving your spouse sexually as well) and becomes an activity that consumes your thoughts day and night. It is hard to keep a pure mind and if masturbation does not help you do that, then it is to be avoided.

This is because the Bible does not say anything about masturbation and therefore it must not be a big issue i.e. it is not right or wrong to do it. Its neutral the same way dating is not mentioned in the Bible and so it doesn't matter if you decide to court someone before you marry them or just propose (after careful and sober consideration, of course) without dating. Sexual desire is after all a gift for God with a goal in mind, which is to serve as a bond for your spouse/marriage and so just like eating is glorifying to God because its doing what He made you to do, so masturbation can sort of be seen to be glorifying to God as well. Especially if it means it'll stop all that porn and sexual fantasy business!

okay im sleepy now. Gosh im really getting old... -_-

Its over!

Yay! Praise God that my Honours Talk went well even though I couldn't answer anyones questions but they shouldnt ask such irrelevant questions next time!

My labmate got asked questions that I definately had answers for, why didn't they ask me the same thing!?

Which is kinda funny as well, cos like everyone was saying how they dreaded question time whereas I was all, yea I'm ready for it!! lol. I mean...I did so much background reading...but no. they had to ask me stupid things like error bars (hello i havent performed the experiments yet) and evolution (hello im not an evolutionist).

Settling back this weekend to read a book on mouse behaviour. Its really interesting! I really should have studied to be an ethologist. sigh. :p

Going to Koorong today! :D

aiyo my honours project proposal talk is tommorow...

sigh.... :/

Three by Fives

I dont care what John Mayer says, I reckon there are some things in life that should be captured on film. I know in the world of photoshoppery pictures dont as much credibility as it used to but at least you know that it really happened.

Today was another day where I regretted not bringing my camera with me. I was walking along the Pyrmont Bridge as usual, staring at the water for another fantastic phenomenon as usual, when before my very eyes I spotted a swarm of jellyfish!! There must have been hundreds to maybe over 2 thousand, I kid you not!! All this to add to the giant orange jellyfish I saw last week. My thoughts were like:

"Holy crap!" O_O

and then...

"ARGH shouldve brought my camera!!" >.<

and then...

"doh when will you ever learn..." -__- ;

On my way to uni, I could see the potentials of having those two pictures:

ATTACK OF THE KILLER JELLYFISH!!

invaders from beyond!
(the sea)

Cos like there were the mother scout ships and then the swarm.

Creepy o.O

Anyways. The point is....carry the camera around! Even if it does make you look like a japanese tourist :p

Apply when bored:

Last Friday I went shopping for thongs cos my current pair has soles so thin I could literally feel every pebble I walked on. It also had absolutely no grip when the floor was wet. I got a funky orange pair with funky flower soles. I wore it while it was raining today. Having traction so rocks!

My honours project proposal draft was also long overdue so I finally decided to sit down and get it done today. I should never write with pencils cos it distracts me when I get bored (which is pretty soon after 10 mins or so). I ended up drawing a dragon all over my notes. The quality of my drawings always coincide with how bored I am. For example in high school, my best drawings were always during Malay Literature. I cant even remember what its called in malay anymore. Who cares.

Also, since its technically Valentines Day, I shall finally get around to fulfilling my tag duties from Sara's blog. Its something like name 8 things you'd like in your dream boyfriend.

1. Tet
2. Tet
3. Tet
4. Tet
5. Tet
6. Tet
7. Tet
8. Tet

As always, I will gather my strength and refrain from tagging people in the effort to not advertise the fact that I have no friends. :P

Have a chocolate filled V-Day! :3 @}-;-------

The Stevenson Syndrome

Lately I've been ingesting alot of dairy products because I've become abit paranoid about osteoperosis. I dont know why I worry about silly things like this and not care about cancer or cardiovascular disease e.g. tanning in the sun, eating lots of KFC/junk food etc.

I also get paranoid about bacteria on my food, like raw meat vs uncooked food (and cross contamination) but feel fine about sharing food with animals...like even if they eat from the same hand as me :P hehe.

I have no problem sitting on floors and grassy areas and stuff where a century of unseen dirt has probably accumulated but I hardly ever clean my bathroom even when I spend 6.25% of my day in there because I hate touching all the sponges and brushes and ew stuff -_-

What is up with that? o_O

Maybe it depends on what you've grown up with and are comfortable doing . . . *shrugs*

Just a little dissapointed

Finally got to touch the mice and things today. I've been waiting for ages to be able to play with them and like muck around with them. I guess its different when you actually have to do things with them..... I got bitten today. Not once but 4ice! One quick nip by this female and 3 bites by this one male who just didn't want to let go!!! He was fully evil! Not only did he bite me, he was practically clinging on to my finger and chewing it! And his eyes were closed and honest to goodness, he looked like he was actually enjoying it too!!

Oh the indignity! :O

I just couldnt handle anymore mice after that, not only because of the shock but because it really hurt!!!!! And it hurt for ages and aaaaggeeess after too! So sad... :( Now I gotta wait for the new generation mice to be born and weaned cos this generation obviously hates me! Argh!! So sad >.< How can animals not like me. I like them so much and I'm so gentle with them....maybe I'm just too passive. Animals work best in a dictatorship type society rather than a republic. I guess I'll be more hard hearted towards mice by the end of this year T_T

I do feel slightly appeased now though cos my family went to this Uigur restaurant in chinatown for dinner. And we went to passionflower after for dessert. Ahhh. yummy. Lamb kebab was awesome. :9~

I dont wanna face the mice tommorow :( What am I going to do if all the mice keep biting me throughout the year. I'm stuffed man. I need prayer man...

Doggone it all...

A public thanks to Amita for the doggy poop. Mmmm. Talk about aesthetic value. xP

I was at a picnic yesterday which was organised by two animal lovers. I suppose it was natural for everyone to bring their dogs along for some socialising. They were so adorable!!

First there was old suki. A grave looking dog with an adamant spirit. Just like any old man would be. He had a purple bandana around his neck! xD

Then there was Zack. Eva's giant alsatian. He was so big, his single ear was a quarter the size of my face! But he was really obedient and gentle and like when you take him for walks he pretty much listens to you....he doesnt try to drag you away. And didn't emit a single bark. Just a couple of whines when we didn't allow him to play with some much smaller dogs :P He's the best!

And Honey, the fighter. Small but honestly thinks she could take on Zack o_O Beautiful medium length honey coloured fur. Listens to her name well. Highly jealous of Mikey, the fluff ball. SO much fur you can't see his neck or legs or tail. Literally a small fluff ball with a face walking around. Also jealous of Honey.

They were all very sweet dogs. Very good tempered and friendly and, like all dogs, greedy!! Honey ate anything they chucked at her... even onions! Even though onions make dogs sick so you shouldnt give it to them.

I love pets! I can't wait to have my own cat or dog (or both!) One girl in my lab has 7 cats :O so jealous..... >.>

Holiday!!!

Wooo! I finally finished work experience and now I'm a free woman!

Until Honours starts, that is. Which is Thursday :P But still, its kinda like I have a weekend within the week cos I get 2 days off to run all my errands. Like cash my allowance cheque cos i needs monies.

Abit disorganised about Honours, my confirmation of enrolment and my student visa + application for PR. All very vague and hazy... Almost worrying o.o But...can't rush these things. We'll see what happens.

I've forgotten why I have a blog.... hmm....

Australia Day

Of course the grass always seems greener on the other side.

Personally, I like our thin bladed dried up grass. This is a land of supported freedom, genuine compassion and of no pretenses. It is rich and bubbling with potential and opportunity. It is always silly but accepts no nonsense. Maybe one day it will be my home.

Having said that, there is one thing I'm really looking forward to that has nothing to do with Australia:

There is a blessed home, Beyond this land of woe
Where trials never come, Nor tears of sorrow flow
Where faith is lost in sight, And patient hope is crowned
And everlasting light, Its glory throws around.

There is a land of peace, Good angels know it well
Glad songs that never cease, Within its portals swell
Around its glorious throne, Ten thousand saints adore
Christ, with the Father One, And Spirit, evermore.

Henry W. Baker

Week after mission

Been working all of this week. Work is tiring, boring and being at uni is like waaay better. At uni, your aim is to please yourself, maybe your parents. At work, your aim is to please your boss. At uni, you dont feel like going to uni, nobody gives a flying lemon peel. At work, your reputation and conscience is at stake. At uni, lecturers fill you with ideas and amaze you with knowledge. At work, you just feel plain dumb at your lack of ability to contribute and think.

In short, I cant wait for February.

They say that you often walk away with an "after mission high". Well...where is it!? Give me mission over work any day. At least Disco and Lau-lau are there to cheer you up every morning.

On the bright side, its Friday night and tommorow is Saturday and I havent got anything on at church on Sunday which gives me 2 days (supposedly) of relaxation and cleaning to catch up on. But also to try and get some work done because I screwed up at work so now I gotta make up for it. ;_;

Oyah oyah and HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAL!!! =^.^=

Okay Listen...

Narnia is like THE best movie ever!!!

If you haven't watched it, watch it.

If you have watched it, rave about it with me!!!

If you're feeling generous, I want the DVD!!!

By the way, big joey, centaur is totally not hot. Peter is wayyyy handsomer!! <3

City -> Country -> City

I'm back after being at Cowra Summer Breakout a.k.a. Cowra Mission for the past 10 days. It was heaps fun!! Although I reckon last year was more fun. Klunk is definately waaaayyy cooler than JBs :P Only cos they get to go to the pool and dam xP

Anyways highlights (in order of appearance):

1. This kid from kindy could recite the entire memory verse by the 3rd morning. And the only word he can read and write is the word cat! What a legend :D
2. Jazz + bbq + sunset followed by running through the sprinklers.
3. During the Big Bash, one of the Yr 2 girls that I taught saw me strutting around with this huge stick. With that incredibly adorable dimpled grin she tells me, " you're not the king...Jesus is!!" I could've have squeezed her to bits. ^^ <3

The boo:

1. People who dont understand the concept of light sleepers and a little consideration.
2. The heat x.x
3. The flies x.x which go hand in hand with the heat because you're trying to expend as little energy as possible but they wont stop bugging you and you eventually succumb to flicking your arm at them wearily

Concert Time was excellent this year! It was soooo funny. The kids just loved it. You guys did an amazing job!!! I'll never forget Disco, Lau-lau and Anfony. XD No pics, didn't have space for my camera.

I'm kinda glad to be home now. Just being able to like sleep throughout the night and not have to wait like half an hour to take a 5 min shower is gold. Hehehe. Back to work. Only 2 weeks left then its Honours!! So weird...feel so old. :p

Something is going to change in my life soon. How exciting. :)

Discovered dillema

I remember what it used to be like when I could fill up page after empty page with transforming words. It could transform your environment, your being, your emotions. It was a gift, nurtured by the fact that everyone else I knew could do it as well.

They keep going. They keep transforming. They are more artistic than I.

Three years into trodding down the road less travelled, I've come to see just how much of this gift has been wasted. There is a saying. To him who is given much, much will be expected. Logically speaking, this could also mean that for him who much has been expected but has not given anything, much will be taken away.

Much has been taken away. It is still not too late. Is this gift worth pursuing? It does me no use in the field of science, it gives me no pleasure if none will read or appreciate it. Gone are the days of secret celebrations, silent pride is a dangerous foe.

Whatever shall I do. I am so attached, and yet it fills me with regret.

New Years Eve 2005

Its been a long time since I celebrated NYE with my friends. This year was not the year either. But at least I got to watch the fireworks! This being only the second time in my entire life despite having lived here for the past 3 years (first time I was 10 yrs old). Yay me. :p

That sunset picture was taken at Milso's at my aunt's place. Its the last sunset of 2005. It was a very pretty one too. The picture on the far right is a picture of the crowd at McMahon's Point when it was only 5pm. Its what we could see from the apartment that we were at in Blues Point Tower. Absolutely beautiful view there. Really couldn't have asked for a better location. And no crowd! :D

Updating on my weight gain. Yes, carpet is bad. After re-weighing, Im still only 47kg. 44.5 on my granduncle's crappy scales (he's a doctor and he says that his scales are abit old now). So no weight gain. Which strikes down one resolution. ^^

Will think up of more new year resolutions. As for today, Im going to the beach! ^^

And tets coming home tommorow!!!! XD

Post Christmas Weight Fluctuations

I was walking by my uncles room today and saw the weighing scales. I thought, oh why not.

O.O

5 kilograms!!!????!?!?!???? You're joking!!!

Ive never put on 5 kgs in 2 weeks before..... although I have been eating like crazy since family came. :P I have a possible explanation of self denial..

... the scale was on carpet so maybe the depression of the carpet increased the weight on the scale 9.9

Failing which of course I'll just have to accept the fact that I'm getting old and my metabolism isn't what it used to be. Putting full trust on my body's "set point" to maintain my healthy 47 kg once I stop eating so much. I couldn't help it.... all those prawns....*drooool*

Anyways, new years is here and is a time of resolutions... I will shed my 5 kgs!!!