One Big Scary

You know whats a scary thing? God's discipline. That is one big scary piece of pill to swallow. Like... man. When you ask God to discipline you right...its soo hard okay. He puts you in all kinds of situations and because you're such an imperfect person, you dont react to them in a proper and/or Godly manner. And it hurts people and it puts you into such fixes and man o man is it ever tiring and unmentionably irritating. And the thing is....you know you got to keep working at it and yea, you cant ever give up even though its like the easiest way out.... cos like once you start slacking, you slip away and you lose all the "Godliness" that you've obtained/learnt throughout all these hard disciplining sessions. And when you finally wake up (that is if you ever!) and remove your rose-tinted sunglasses....its discouraging to see the amount of damage that has been done and to see how much you've fallen and yea...how much further you're getting away from being a Godly person and thus being a person that lives in obedience to God's word.

Like personally, lately..... I can see so much work that needs to be done to repatch my life up. Im honestly not looking forward to all the work because changing yourself is such a long and arduous process and even though God gets you through in the end, its so much work at the present. But yea I know the rewards far surpasses the deeds not only for myself but for the poor people around me that has to put up with all my rubbish.

I think Im feeling so discouraged now cos Im tired. I think tommorow I'll prolly be happier and more energetic and I know God is faithful and that together we'll get through this. Cos I could never ever do this without His help and His strength. And I don't expect to change within the next 5 months either because seriously, this whole changing business just takes absolutely forever. This is prolly why Jesus came to save us cos one lifetime aint enough time to cut it. Thank God for Jesus. :p hehe.