I used to think that as a christian, death was a very desirable thing. I think it was the desire to not struggle anymore, to finally be with God, to long for Heaven.
At the back of my mind, I'd always remember the famous Phillipians 1:21 quote, "To live is Christ, to die is gain" by Paul. I had no problem agreeing that to die is definately to gain. But it only gains the person who died. Which is why Paul goes on to say that even though death is so very tempting and that life is so much harder, he still wants to live in order to build up the body of Christ. In effect, its about other-person-centredness. Hm. Somewhat unconvinced. All well and good for an apostle, a chosen sent one, to understand that he has a purpose in life which needs to be carried out (and he certainly carried this out with much passion and perseverance. Kudos).
At the back of my mind, I'd always remember the famous Phillipians 1:21 quote, "To live is Christ, to die is gain" by Paul. I had no problem agreeing that to die is definately to gain. But it only gains the person who died. Which is why Paul goes on to say that even though death is so very tempting and that life is so much harder, he still wants to live in order to build up the body of Christ. In effect, its about other-person-centredness. Hm. Somewhat unconvinced. All well and good for an apostle, a chosen sent one, to understand that he has a purpose in life which needs to be carried out (and he certainly carried this out with much passion and perseverance. Kudos).
But then, at AnCon 2006 I read Psalm 143 and then verse 11:
For your name's sake, O LORD, preserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
and then it hit me . . .
My attitüdE had been wrong all along.
Sometimes I'd realise that my obsession with death was abit selfish because it was more of a personal want or need; to never have to go through pain and hardship...to finally rest and never have to struggle to keep up a relationship with God. I mean, of course I want suffering to end and I know that the only time this will happen is when Jesus returns and restores creation. However in the depths of my heart, I know my longing was selfish and personal because I valued my own death as highly as the Restoration. Short term vs long term.
This made me think that a christian's attitude in life is not to mourn for the lack of death, rather to mourn for the lack of life, and to embrace the opportunity to change this. Also to rejoice in the opportunity to build up the church and to glorify Him while He patiently waits for more hearts to turn to Him.
I still find it appealling to have an early death and retire early. But I also now think that its probably only half the mindset a christian should have. The other half would be to want preservation of your life, as painful as it may be, for the Lord's name sake.
This made me think that a christian's attitude in life is not to mourn for the lack of death, rather to mourn for the lack of life, and to embrace the opportunity to change this. Also to rejoice in the opportunity to build up the church and to glorify Him while He patiently waits for more hearts to turn to Him.
I still find it appealling to have an early death and retire early. But I also now think that its probably only half the mindset a christian should have. The other half would be to want preservation of your life, as painful as it may be, for the Lord's name sake.
3 comments:
woah you replied to my post?!
I guess you're right, but the reason I was thinking about death wasn't just because I wanted suffering to end but also because I started feeling (perhaps wrongly) that from other people's perspective, everyone would be better off if I didnt exist. So I'm not being selfish at all!
Also, does that mean that if we're somewhat unproductive; not doing any ministry, not really trying to glorify God much, we might as well die? is it only because you can do good to others (the way Paul could in Phillipians) that we shouldnt suicide? Like you said, Paul seems different from us.. sometimes I want to say, "to live is sin, to die is gain".
that's okay. i forget yours pretty much every year. august 10th isit?haha
Tony, I think you're a really good guy. Highly opinionated, but with a good heart and with really good intentions.
I need to think more about your latter statement. Not much time to do it so please bear with the silence abit longer. I agree with your "live = sin, die = gain" statement :P Also thinking along the lines of the purpose of our creation. maybe we can think about it together.
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