Do you know, I'm such a coward.
I can't stand cockroaches. I couldn't bring myself to catch a lizard the other day.
And I dreamt that someone had done something bad to my sister. I strangled him till he was almost dead. I then had no more desire to kill him. He had suffered enough. He woke up and I was completely at his mercy. He placed a sharp ikea pencil at my throat. Ready to slam it into my throat.
I cried.
I begged for my life.
I'm such a coward. I always say I wish I were dead. That this life isn't worth living for. And yet when it comes to putting money where my mouth is, I cannot do it. Its obvious that I love life too much and I cannot bear dying. Maybe I just like the romantisised idea of death, without actually thinking of the gruesomeness of getting there. I did not even think of Heaven, about how God will be there to catch my fall. I just wanted to live, and I lied to live. And I lived. How stupid.
I'm so weak.
I can't stand cockroaches. I couldn't bring myself to catch a lizard the other day.
And I dreamt that someone had done something bad to my sister. I strangled him till he was almost dead. I then had no more desire to kill him. He had suffered enough. He woke up and I was completely at his mercy. He placed a sharp ikea pencil at my throat. Ready to slam it into my throat.
I cried.
I begged for my life.
I'm such a coward. I always say I wish I were dead. That this life isn't worth living for. And yet when it comes to putting money where my mouth is, I cannot do it. Its obvious that I love life too much and I cannot bear dying. Maybe I just like the romantisised idea of death, without actually thinking of the gruesomeness of getting there. I did not even think of Heaven, about how God will be there to catch my fall. I just wanted to live, and I lied to live. And I lived. How stupid.
I'm so weak.
3 comments:
but to boast that i would prefer death over life, and then not be able to handle it is really too much.
i am,as they say, too arrogant.
Evangelion episode 1 is like that...
the main chara..
hahahaha im like a cartoon character!!
i obviously have so much depth xP
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